Monday, June 9, 2014

Just to Hear You Breathing

So many romance movies and songs have lines about being brought to a complete standstill by the other's very existence. The first one that comes to mind is, "I could stay awake just to hear you breathing... I don't want to close my eyes, I don't want to fall asleep, 'cause I'd miss you baby, and I don't want to miss a thing." Those lyrics sometimes cross my mind as I roll over to notice Danilo, who almost always falls asleep before I do, gone til morning. I give him a hard time sometimes, how can you close your eyes? Don't you want to stay awake just to hear me breathing? But to be fair, I can't say that I've ever stayed awake just to hear him breathing, either. I figure I'll catch him in the morning.

The more movies and television series I have seen, the more I have realized how dramatized most of them are. By dramatized, I mean taking real life and amplifying it. I mean, Dr. Quinn experiences more in one episode than most people experience in their whole lives. It used to stress me out... how is she handling all this week to week, the diptheria outbreaks, her children being kidnapped, mines collapsing, going to jail for helping the Indians, being held hostage, and stay sane? Drama makes things more interesting. If she didn't face some major obstacle every episode, I probably wouldn't have been so driven to watch it clear through to the end. And you know what? I bet Sully would stay awake just to hear Michaela breathing.

I'm probably not alone in having watched movies and fantasized what it would be like to live a more dramatized life. But while real life can't provide what movies can by way of soundtracks and the resolution of all problems in a couple of hours, on the flip side movies cannot provide some of the things real life does.

The other day I was putting things away around the house when I stopped in Grace's room and I could see Danilo out the window working. We've both wanted a vegetable garden. I had done some research and even went to a class in preparation for the whole project, but got a little overwhelmed by all the details and was okay if we put it off til next year.  He took the process of setting up the garden off my shoulders and set to work doing it all by himself. I stood there in Grace's room and I watched him. I was thankful to be married to such a hard worker. I enjoyed watching all the faces he makes while he is doing something hard. My heart was full and happy in the fact that he and I share a life together, and a backyard and children. I realized I'd just had one of those moments. I had been standing there for 30 or 45 seconds just in awe of his existence. No, I wasn't staying awake just to hear him breathing, and while I am grateful that he breathes, this was deeper, this was more satisfying. I had the opportunity to realize that my love for him has grown more real and more true, and to appreciate some of the things I love most about him.

He is loyal. He is hardworking. He is good. He has nice muscles. And he is real.