Five Mini-Posts

Oh blog, it's good to be here again. I have missed you! It's just that I've felt terribly lousy for so long. One day I was trying to remember the last time I felt good, and it had been since Halloween. It's okay, I firmly believe that baby boy is worth it. Thankfully, I have actually started to feel better in the last two or three weeks and enjoy a little of what's left of this pregnancy.

So I thought I would stop in and write some mini-posts about the things I would have blogged about had I been feeling better.

Mini Post #1

Danilo and Brittney Finish the Dr. Quinn Series

It's no secret that I was completely enthralled with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Secretly inside I feared the day that we would finish the last episode because it would be OVER. Fortunately our set of six seasons also included the Dr. Quinn movies. We actually watched the last one last night.

(Michaela sifting through her mother's belongings after her funeral in Boston before they return to Colorado Springs.)

Michaela: Photographs. They're not just things, are they?

Sully: No. I agree. They're pieces of a person's soul. Somethin' to be treasured forever.

Michaela: (tears falling down her face) Sully, there is a forever, isn't there?

Sully: Oh yeah. We're all going to be together again.

Michaela: Promise?

(Kiss.)

Sully: I promise. 

(From The Heart Within, A Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman movie)

I have this dream that somewhere, maybe in Heaven, our favorite characters from books and movies exist just as we envision them. If I ever find it, be sure that Danilo and I will be spending some quality time with Michaela and Sully.

Mini Post #2

I Heart YouTube Prenatal Workouts

I have found some very enjoyable and effective prenatal workouts on YouTube. My favorite thing about them is that the instructors say things like:

"Now don't push yourself too hard."

"Listen carefully to your body. You don't have to take this to the next level."

"You're doing great. I'm so proud of you for getting up and doing this today."

I feel like a million bucks when I'm done. Here are my favorites.

and my absolute favorite,

Prenatal Pilates with the darling Lizbeth Garcia

Mini Post #3

Kitchen Curtains, Check!

I found several pictures on Pinterest of curtains I wanted for my kitchen and with a lot of help from my Mom, we were able to whip them up in two afternoons. We had fun. I sure appreciated it. Here is the finished product:

The side of my fridge looks terribly unflattering.
Oh, well. It's not like this is a catalog. :)

Mini Post #4

Brittney Discovers Dress Barn

I'd driven past Dress Barn before and thought it sounded like a place Old MacDonald's wife would shop. I'd just never been tempted to go in. Until I attended a vintage dress fashion show put on by Sharon Hill from the neighborhood where I grew up. Sharon was modeling a whole collection of her mother's gorgeous dresses from the 1940s and the whole event was being hosted by Dress Barn. Between Sharon's dress changes, other ladies would model dresses from Dress Barn. And they were so flattering and pretty. They were also affordable. I added to my closet some dresses I absolutely LOVE. I would recommend checking out your local Dress Barn if you never have.

Attempt #49 to get a flattering picture while 7 1/2 months pregnant :)

Mini Post #5
Park City

I told Danilo a couple of months ago that before the baby came I dreamed of a getaway for the three of us that would give me just a two day escape from making beds, cooking, or doing dishes. So Danilo booked a Best Western in Park City with a swimming pool and made my dream come true.

Gracie's Announcement

We were on a Les Mis kick at our house for a whole month

after this

and this

my brother Andrew (top center) after a Friday night performance of Les Miserables at his high school

Danilo may have walked around the house singing things like, "And now I'm off to brush my teeeeeth"...to the tune of I Dreamed a Dream.

I get so swallowed up not only in the music of Les Miserables, but in the story. Of the worth of the human soul in God's eyes that is displayed in so many of the characters and hope amidst complete and utter despair. It is a story so masterfully told and it changes my life in some way every time I see it.

“Is there not in every human soul [as in Jean val Jean] a primitive spark, a divine element, incorruptible in this world and immortal in the next, which can be developed by goodness, kindled, lit up, and made to radiate, and which evil can never entirely extinguish?”

-Victor Hugo

The whole experience may have rubbed off a little on Gracie, too.

Farewell to a Good Girl

I will always have my dad to thank for bringing us together my junior year of high school.

It all started with trips to and from school everyday.

A couple of times you helped me drop packages on boys' doorsteps asking them to school dances.

We stayed out of trouble on the weekends having lots of fun.


There are moments that I have shared with you and no one else.

We got to go to college together and I remember driving on campus the first day, nervous but excited.

You came with me when I went to tell that boy that it really was all over, and you were waiting for me when I came out.

And you were there the night I pulled over in rainstorm, certain that no one else could hear, and screamed at the top of my lungs in utter desperation to have my life as I knew it back during a particularly difficult battle with depression.

My relationship with God grew as we took early morning trips to the Bountiful temple and I would ponder my relationship with Him on the way home.

You were there the first time Danilo kissed me (the first time in my life I truly saw fireworks).

You overheard our conversations as we discussed what kind of future we wanted to have together.

My getting married didn't change anything between us.

While Danilo* wasn't sold at first, it didn't take long for him to appreciate you as much as I did.

We went to internships and job interviews

and together to my first day teaching school.

A couple of years later when Gracie joined us, you were familiar to her too.

We never went to the grocery store or story time without you. 


You lived with us everywhere we lived, your accommodations were better at some places than others.

Last Saturday you drove away.

Happily I know it's to a good home.

He might not listen to country music or enjoy Josh Groban

but he goes to the same high school I did,

so in some ways you're going right back to where we started.

You were loyal and true and will always occupy a special place in my heart.

I will always feel a certain camaraderie with anybody who drives by in a Geo Prizm

because we most likely have a similar appreciation for what a dang good car they are.  

Thanks for the memories sweetheart.

I love you.

(Sorry so sappy. I really care about this car.)

*Danilo had a harder time letting the Geo go than I did. "Can't we just keep it?" He is proud when he tells people that changing the clutch was the only major repair we made on her in the 6 1/2 years we've been married.

I think I can blog now

I vacuumed the living room right before I took the tree down so I could take a picture... because I did not vacuum once in December... please...let me explain :)

I never checked in here the whole month of December except to quickly announce our baby news. The truth? For some people, pregnancy hormones are not only the perfect storm for morning sickness, but for a bout with depression. I am one of those people.

We found out shortly before the election that we were expecting a new baby (hooray!). When my dreams of having a President Romney were crushed, I expected to feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to drag on for weeks. I felt terribly gloomy. And nauseated. And I finally keyed in to the fact that perhaps my symptoms were not fully related to politics.

During my first pregnancy, I was teaching school, and the world, whether I could keep my breakfast down or not, had to keep turning. I decided to try for the same strategy this go round. I thrive on getting up early and getting things done. I feared morning sickness would keep me in bed all morning, and darned if I would let it. I scheduled all kinds of commitments in the morning that would require me to get out of bed and get moving.

I didn’t feel good for any of it. And the more I did, the worse I felt. Feeling that way day in and day out was wearing on my emotional well-being, which was already thin from the gloomy thoughts and feelings the depression was causing.  I realized one day when my sister was nursing me back to health on her couch with a plateful of chicken nuggets (I am eating like a mother bear at least every two hours) that something had to give. Many things had to give. I decided I could take on one major task each day. Major tasks = one trip to Wal-Mart, one trip to the grocery store, cleaning one bathroom, vacuuming one room, doing the laundry. ONE a day. For years I have exercised at 6 a.m. I bagged any form of exercise completely so I could sleep more (...and continued to eat like a mother bear through the holidays... I hope you get to experience that, guilt-free, at least once in your life!).

The sleep felt good. For the first time, lack of exercise felt good. The little energy I did have wasn’t spent at the gym. And resting throughout the day felt good, though it was hard to see my house kind of crumble in on me. I knew I was refraining from fully taking care of the house for a good reason. Grace and I got to read lots of books and watch lots of movies together.

Little by little as the morning sickness fades away, the depression is too. I saw our baby's face yesterday on ultra-sound, and it brought me so much JOY.

I wanted to include some tricks I use to battle depression when it comes calling. My hope is that some of this information can be helpful to someone else.  

-Knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. Any battle with depression will never be as bad as the first when it was unfamiliar to you.

-Don't fight it. You will get even more discouraged in the process and it will still settle in anyway. Recognize it for what it is, and know it might stay for awhile. But also know you've beaten it before.

-Understand that the depressed you is not the real you. When you have irrational feelings and thoughts, instead of wondering if you're going insane, blame it on the hormones or lack of serotonin in your brain, and don't give them much more airtime than that. The sane, rational thoughts belong to you and they will dominate more and more as you do your best to just push through each day.

-Don't worry about what you might be losing because of your bout with depression (example: I'm having a baby, this is supposed to be a really happy time and I feel like this???) There is much to be gained from a bout of depression that will make you a better person. The losses will be made up in one way or another.

Each of these tricks represents a light-bulb moment I had in the midst of a bout of depression. Somehow I always think these tricks will be enough, that I won't get down and discouraged but be able to sail on through. While the tricks are essential in getting through, I always find I have another one to learn with each new bout of depression. Here's something I have gained from this time around:

I can choose to be happy in spite of depression (sounds kind of ironic, I know). I was really inspired by this article, and it helped me throughout the Christmas season. Depression kind of colors the way you see everything, but I made a deliberate effort, especially at times and events I was looking forward to, to enjoy them and be happy. I would think to myself, I know the way I'm feeling right now tells me I should feel really lousy tonight, but I've been looking forward to seeing these people, so tonight, I'm going to be happy.

Something I must relearn each time is to trust that whatever adversity I am experiencing is for my good. I sing its praises for all it has taught me, but depression is awful. It is difficult, demeaning, debilitating, causes you to severely doubt yourself and sucks life out of you and the things you enjoy. When you're looking at it in hindsight you think it probably wasn't quite so bad. But when you're in thick of it, you think, "Oh. I remember."

However, I recently read this quote by C.S. Lewis (I love his reasoning on God):

"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary, for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."


P.S. These kinds of things run in my family... for a blog detailing my sister's experiences with anxiety, please visit this site.

Have you heard Kate Middleton is having a baby?

 

The Best Dentist In the World

We recently changed dental insurance,

which allowed me to select my favorite dentist,

which means Gracie now has the dentist I went to when I was a little girl.

I have always thought he is the best dentist in the world.

We would seriously fist pump when Mom told us it was time to go back to the dentist.

 Nothing has changed.

I mean, how many little girls could smile that big while sitting next to their dentist?

{It doesn't matter that I'm 28 now. Without fail, his chair breaks every time ("Oh no! Oh no!") and he saves me just before it drops me on my head.}