Yay for Mom!

Something important happened last night. Let me rewind a few weeks. When Gracie came home with us, she slept in the bassinet to the side of our bed, my side of the bed. Every time I woke up, I would jump up and check to be sure she was okay and breathing like she should. This is how we did things for the first ten days or so. Then Danilo who has to get up for work and/or school in the mornings suggested that after her first feeding during the night, I move her into her crib in her own bedroom. Ouch, that idea tugged at my heart. I loved having her be one of the last things I see and hear before I go to bed and I love knowing she's next to me. But I could see why it would be a good idea. Our little girl is famous for making horse noises when she's sleeping. That's the best way I can describe them. I realized when we tried it that night, put Gracie to bed in her bassinet and switched her over to her crib where she would wake up in the morning, that I slept much better because the cute horse noises were muffled across the hall but I still was able to hear her when she needed something to eat. So last night, Danilo was trying to get to bed early for an early morning and so I was doing Gracie's bedtime routine in her own room so her dad could fall asleep. My intent was to put her to sleep in the bassinet like we always do. Then the thought occurred to me that since we were already in her room, I could put her to bed in her crib to begin with. I shut out the thought immediately. We couldn't possibly try that yet! I hadn't planned on making the transfer to her crib until Gracie was a month ol.....Gracie turned a month on Thursday. Oh dear. I was coming face to face with a scary hairy fear of mine. I am quite in love with this little girl of ours and always will be. But I don't want it to be detrimentally so. As she grows I envision her always by my side....But what happens when her friend across the street calls to see if she can come over to play? I don't think I should go with her. Or when the first day of school rolls around....As a former teacher I know how obnoxious and inappropriate it would be for me to sit on the back row of her classroom all day to be sure that she's okay. My mom loves me just as fiercely as I love Grace, yet I'm grateful she didn't accompany me on my first date! And as I sat there in the rocking chair I started to understand the subtle balance a parent needs to find between loving and caring for and teaching their children, and allowing them to grow and discover things on their own and trusting their ability to do it. I realized the sooner I started exercising those "letting her grow" muscles, the better it would be for both of us. So I cried a little tear, kissed my baby girl on the cheek as I laid her in her crib, and went to sleep next to Danilo. And I was excited to see her in the morning.