There Is Life After Thrush

I am generally fairly private about matters like these, but if anyone is desperately searching for help like I was and happens upon this post and it helps, I will be so happy to have been able to help.

Long story short, nursing has been EXTRAORDINARILY painful with baby Danny, which surprised me, because it completely went off without a hitch with Grace. I have discovered nursing is NOT like riding a bike. You CAN forget how to do it properly. One thing led to another and I developed a horrendous case of thrush.

Someone said that most women would voluntarily choose labor again over thrush.... If that labor comes with an epidural, mark me as a definitely.

During this time, the internet became my best and worst friend. I sorted through dozens of suggestions from women and doctors on how to cure thrush. Many of the suggestions left me with more questions. But nothing was so straight-forward, direct, and helpful as the link below.

If you find yourself with a case of thrush, read these instructions and follow them to a T. In three day's time, you will come to know why I am leaning towards naming my next son Jack (make sure to read the handout on gentian violet). 

That's all I'm going to say except to thank my dear friend Margo for her help, and to leave you with this picture of my sweet boy on our road to recovery. Questions... please please please email me at brittneycollado@gmail.com.

purple mouth from gentian violet

$140 Richer

I don't like clutter.

I am sentimental.

My upstairs is clean, but my basement is overloaded with stuff. A quick jog downstairs to grab a jar of spaghetti sauce will cause anxiety to pulse through my insides. It bothers me and sometimes keeps me up at night, because someday we will finish the basement and the stuff must be dealt with.

So I made myself start and complete a project that I think was very helpful to me. One of the largest piles of stuff downstairs consisted of an ever-growing pile of Gracie's clothes, from the time she was newborn up til last winter. Every time I clean out her drawers, I just drop a new garbage bag full of outgrown clothes on the pile. I clenched my stomach every time I considered doing something other than keeping them.

But I knew the local children's consignment sale was going to be setting up at the fairgrounds this fall. I determined I was going to use the opportunity to get some clutter out of my basement (ouch, it hurts to call it clutter) and make some money. I knew that they only accept clothes that are fairly current and trendy, and that if Gracie's baby clothes were going to make the cut, I'd better act fast.  

I started by sorting through the clothes and keeping my VERY favorites.

I found I could think more objectively when I sorted through the clothes during the day. I was WAY too sentimental at night, especially after Grace had gone to bed. I wanted to keep everything. 

Thought process: "....oh! The purple outfit! Remember that cute picture of her in the purple outfit!" Yes. And because I took a picture of her in the purple outfit, I will remember it.

"Remember the cute picture we got of her in this outfit?!" Yes. Again. You have the picture to remember. And that outfit's STILL cute! I would STILL buy it! So let's let someone else grab it for a good deal.

There was NO WAY this one was going. This one's never going.

My tags printed off and ready to attach to the clothes. It's a pretty cool system.

Organized by size in the living room

Packed and ready to drop off at the sale... sniff

It took me about two weeks to get all the clothes ready, and yes, the majority of the work took place the day before the clothes were due... but it's done!

I sold 58 outfits total and made $140. For stuff (really special stuff :) that was just sitting downstairs. I have about 50 outfits tagged and ready for the spring sale too.

If you're interested in doing the same with your clothes, stop and visit here. I participated in the Just Between Friends event. I know the same thing or something similar takes place all over the U.S. If you have any questions about my experience, email me at brittneycollado@gmail.com.

No one told me about the little explosion that would happen inside my heart the first time I saw him with a new haircut

Postpartum

"I can throw this away for you if you like," said the Walgreen's pharmacy tech. He was holding my empty bottle of Motrin in his hand. I'd taken one a day from that bottle since Danny was born. He was done using the label on the old bottle to fill my new prescription.

Little did he know the battle that was waging inside of me.

"Yes, that'll be great," I said, confidently. I had won again. I tried not to look too triumphant as I heard the bottle clunk in the trash underneath the counter.

When my babies are born, I have a borderline obsession with objects that were part of those first few days and weeks of life with them. Not just the first outfit they wore home from the hospital, but the plastic from their first package of diapers, or the mug they send home with me from my hospital stay. I don't know what my reasoning is. Something along the lines of being able to preserve their tenderness and innocence through clutter. I know I struggled with this when Grace was born and that if left unchecked it could hinder my progress in getting to and keeping a healthy state of mind as a new mom, so when we got home from the hospital this time, I took a garbage sack through the house at least once daily and threw away stuff. If it hurt to throw something away, I tried to step out of my emotions and look at it objectively. How happy are you going to be in three years that you saved the styrofoam cup you chewed ice chips from as you waited for labor to progress? If I couldn't provide a rational answer, it went in the garbage. I will admit, I hung on to the disposable cover to Danny's bilirubin bed for three days before it went in the trash. He'd punched out that cute hole with his arm! Some things must be allowed a little more time. :)

This is one facet of my personal experience with postpartum depression. I wondered to what extent I would experience it after Danny was born. I am thankful that it has been fairly mild this go round. It's interesting though, this experience at Walgreen's happened 45 minutes ago. I have step back and laugh a little that I really do have to think that hard about throwing away an empty prescription bottle. The fact that it's a decision at all tells me it's still lingering a little, but the way I win a little "battle" each day makes me so thankful that I am doing so well.

Here are some other facets to my whole postpartum experience.

I love my hospital experience. I am especially emotional after giving birth, and it makes me especially appreciative of the care that is shown to me by the nurses. It actually makes it really hard for me to go home. Not that I don't think I will be taken care of at home, but I become attached to my nurses. This time one of the nurses slid an envelope into the paperwork I was bringing home the evening we checked out. When I got home I opened it to find a card signed by all the nurses that had cared for me. It made me cry. Now it makes me smile. It did not go in the garbage.

For several days after giving birth, I have a heightened sense of how fragile mortality is. Danilo turned on Tarzan one night at home shortly after Grace was born, and I didn't tell him, but I got so upset inside and couldn't enjoy the rest movie when Tarzan's parents were killed by the cheetah in the beginning. I can (kind of) laugh at it now (having just experienced becoming a mother again), but I was truly, truly angry. 

The hardest part of the postpartum experience for me is an intense fear or anxiety that settles in and nearly paralyzes me. Fear of all kinds of things. Parent-killing cheetahs, Danilo making it safely home from work, and mostly over the responsibility of being a parent. Will I be able to do this as well as my parents did? I feel so broken and inadequate. This little person depends on me for everything. Will I be able to rise to the task and give them everything they need? I was comfortable with life before the baby and now I feel like my whole world has been thrown up in the air and come down scrambled. Will I ever experience normalcy again?

The night we brought Danny home from the hospital, he cried all night long. I wanted Danilo to sleep so we could have at least one alert parent the next day, so I made a bed on the floor in his room and tried to calm him from sun down to sun up. As I lay there, I had a wave of anxiety rush over me all night long. It was kind of uncomfortable and scary, but I just kind of let it do its thing.

Because this time I can say, hey, I have a three-year-old now and I felt this way when she was born too, but now she is mine and her daddy's whole world. It took several nights to figure out and adjust to life with her, but now it's impossible to imagine life without her.

Something else that has helped make my postpartum experience easier this time round is having Grace here with me. At a time when my emotions could cause me to take life and myself and this whole experience too seriously, Gracie provides comic relief. She laughs when he burps. She laughs when he spits up. She laughs when he goes cross-eyed. She laughs when he chooses to relieve himself when his diaper is off. It's a truly amused laugh. And it makes me laugh too. And while I laugh, I'm thankful that I'm not all by myself taking life too seriously.

Lastly, I taught a lesson a couple of months ago to the young women at church on the topic of grace. It changed my life. I have come to understand that after all we can do, God will bless us with a strengthening power (grace) that will make the seemingly difficult or impossible possible. So when postpartum panic starts to set in, I just remember my testimony of His grace and move forward. Sometimes the manifestations of His grace have been through my own daughter Grace, sometimes a text message from a friend, a priesthood blessing, or a clearer understanding of what I'm going through. These verses were part of my scripture study this morning and I loved them:

This I recall to my mind, therefore I have hope.
It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not.
They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness.
The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him.
Lamentations 3:21-24

Surely I am not the only one who has become attached to an empty package of newborn sized Pampers. If you have fun postpartum experiences too, I would love to hear about them. :)  

feeling good

1st Saturday of Seven

The older I get,

the more I develop a deep and abiding love for my country.

It's come from my parents and grandparents

who have spoken with love and reverence for this country

since before I could understand why they did

but I could sense it was important.

It's come from a love for American History nurtured by high school teachers

and especially my university professor who told history as a story.

It's come from reading books about our history

and books about other countries and the horrors of tyranny and dictatorship 

and other examples of lack of freedom.

Sometimes you don't know what you have til someone helps you imagine life without it.

It's come from having my own 9/11 story...."I remember where I was that day..."

It's come from my experience as a delegate where I became more involved in the political process than I ever had up til that point.

It's come from traveling my country...

In the last ten years I have spent time (more than a layover or drive through) in

Washington, California, Nevada, Idaho, Wyoming, South Dakota, Nebraska, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, and Alaska

and learned why there are songs that talk about 

"amber waves of grain" and "purple mountain majesties"

or "the lakes of Minnesota" and "the hills of Tennessee"

and "the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea"

all in the same verse.

Her landscape is varied and it is beautiful.

And in these beautiful places I have met beautiful people

whose hearts are kind and seen what the American dream

has allowed people to accomplish on small and grand scales.

It's come from the examples of friends and neighbors throughout my life

who have answered the call to serve their country and their families who stay behind

who have a different kind of reverence for this country

than I have yet experienced.

There is an election in 45 days that I believe is more critical

than many that have come before it.

Tonight and every Saturday after until the election,

I am going to post a reason why I have chosen to cast my vote

the way I have.

I do this very humbly.

I am not a political science major, or a history professor or a journalist.

But I'm an American wife and mother

who feels she can't sit silent on this issue.

This is the best way I know to make a difference.

If you don't agree with me, that's okay.

I have friends who are very dear to me 

who don't see politics they way I do.

 However, if you feel like it's the right thing to do,

please share these posts through email 

and on Facebook with friends and family

in your state and out of your state whose vote

is undecided or maybe even decided.

What can you do to make a difference in this election?

He Broke My Tailbone

Have I ever told you that my doctor broke my tailbone with his hands to get Gracie out?

It was worth it.

Few things have brought me as much joy

as watching my baby girl become a little girl.

 

helping with the grocery shopping

practicing a fire drill at library storytime

 (scroll down and to the right to pause our blog soundtrack)

I am blessed.

And now it is our favorite time: Signing Time!

I was NOT going to teach my baby sign language because I didn't want to be one of those moms who said, "Did you know we're teaching her sign language?" and then have her demonstrate for people. I don't know what I was so hung-up over. I guess I thought of it as code for, "Do you know that my baby is smarter than your baby?" (I know, that doesn't sound very nice. I get over it.) Then Chelsea discovered some DVDs in the basement from when Hailey was studying sign language a few years ago, and they became an instant hit with Gracie when they appeared on screen.

At the beginning of Signing Time, Rachel Coleman (co-creator) explains that among many other benefits, sign language can help eliminate the terrible twos because your child can sign what they want even if they can't say it and become much less frustrated in the process. It's pretty wonderful. It's been really fulfilling to see her get so excited when we understand what she's trying to tell us. For example, she'll come up to me doing this:

And I will say, "Are you thirsty, Grace?"
To which she'll nod her head emphatically and let out a delighted shriek.


She gets what she needs and we're both very thrilled about it.

Here are some words she let me take pictures of this afternoon:

cheese

dirty

eat

hot

cold

It's a really wonderful language. I'm glad she's been exposed to it and I'm glad my initially bad attitude got out of the way.

dancing to "I'm Proud to Be Me" at the end of Volume 3 :)

Counting Blessings

All of us in this picture have taken turns having stomach flu since this picture was taken during the Achter Family Photo Session 2010 three nights ago. Grace believe it or not was throwing up two hours after and didn't stop until about 2 A.M. that night. It was her first bout with anything besides a nasty cold and it was fairly distressing as her mom to watch her shake her little head and cry, "No no no!" every time she felt the urge to empty her stomach.

Maybe I think too much, but I have always found getting sick enough to be laid up a very humbling experience every time it happens to me. I end up pondering how thankful I am for the strength and feeling of well-being I generally have the rest of the time to get done the things that I need to and make note not to take it for granted. I think of people I know who have been chronically ill and gain a new respect for what they have endured. When it all comes down to it, I get a little depressed and can't wait to feel well again. One night this week sometime around 2:30 or 3 in the morning I was making an effort to lift my spirits by counting my blessings, which were SO many, like...

It's a blessing to be living in my parents' home right now. The day I was most wiped out, I was able to just sleep and know Gracie was being supervised. I know that once motherhood comes along, you don't always get to just sleep even if you're sick. This day I could and I did!

Also, the night Gracie threw up over the side of her crib, a whole team assembled in the house to help clean the bedding and carpet and everything else that had been in the path of disaster. People ran to the grocery store to stock up on fluids for when her stomach settled while I got Gracie cleaned up.

Sure I felt like garbage, but I had a warm home and several quilts on my bed on a cold night.

I had no obligations that would be difficult to cancel (that is code for no sub plans to write, calling back from my teaching days).

My husband made me my favorite comfort food, rice pudding. I shouted directions from the couch while he made sense of the recipe in the kitchen and I love him for it.

And probably my most favorite of all, though it was difficult, I was thankful for the opportunity to care for my daughter in the middle of the night. I always wondered as a little girl how my mom did that for me. I remember her being by my side as I emptied my own stomach into a bucket in the middle of the night and thinking, I bet she'd rather be in bed. I didn't think I'd ever be able to be able to do it myself. But I am thankful for the sense of duty that calls when you're a mom that helps you feel like it's more like an honor than a sacrifice of sleep to sit up and comfort that little person you love so much.

The one sacrifice that did hurt? My mom and I had made arrangements to get up almost in the middle of the night to meet President Bush on Friday morning at a book signing. The bug hit Thursday and it didn't happen.

Ouch. It still hurts. Gracie, you're worth it.

Our Baby is 1!

The night before Grace's birthday, I flipped through some pictures of the first few months of her life. She has become a precious part of us!! Her dad and I love her so much! This is how we spent her first birthday.

At the zoo, where she was completely enthralled with the animals, and where every animal says, "ARF ARF!" according to Gracie. Even the tortoise.


That evening we had a barbecue and presents and cake in Danilo's parents' backyard with our families and the Grays (we shared a wall with them before we moved out of our townhome and love them).

A major tantrum was thrown when we took Grace off of her new Dora car to eat some cake

Took her a minute to get the idea, but once she did, she went for it

Gracie, I love to be your momma!!

mail

Sometimes I don't post for awhile because I am grasping at something interesting enough to blog about. That hasn't been the case. There has been so much going on the last month or two that I've been grasping at a way to blog about all of it. And then the mail came yesterday, and it almost sums up the whole story.

I am a state delegate. Quick explanation on what that means: I've been searching for ways to become more politically educated because I love my country and don't want to be ignorant of what's going on. I've tried talk radio, I've tried different news channels, the newspaper, and the internet and still felt like I wasn't on board. So we attended our caucus meeting in March where a total of seven people showed up (I know I've heard of much heavier attendance at caucus meetings this year than in years past, and our chairwoman said ours was no different, in fact, the numbers had doubled. I've heard other caucuses filled high school auditoriums. We partially filled a living room :). The purpose of a caucus is to elect county and state delegates that will represent your precinct, or part of your neighborhood, at the county and state conventions where officials are elected from the party. This is where and how it really is about we the people. Sitting there at the caucus I thought, maybe this is my chance to get involved. When nominations went up for a county delegate, I raised my hand, a motion was made and seconded. When nominations went up for state delegates, I raised my hand, a motion was made and seconded.

Governor Herbert at the county convention

Since then my phone, email, mailbox, and doorstep have been flooded with efforts from candidates at the county and state level to secure my vote. We've met quite a few of the candidates at the county and state level (or at least stood a few feet away to hear them speak) and whenever I bring Grace with me, she usually catches their eye :). The county convention was held last month and was SO COOL! And now I've got a few more days to ponder which candidates will get my vote for senator and governor at the state convention. I have since learned that it is generally more difficult to be selected as a delegate, especially if there are more than ten people in the room :), and that it's even more rare to be selected for county and state, so I have been very thankful for this opportunity. An education in politics was what I was looking for and boy have I ever received one!!!!

We are building a home!! We've hopped in and out of the housing market a few times the last few months with the plan of probably buying an existing home, until we stopped into an Ivory Homes model home. Their incentives are as great as their homes are beautiful. The papers have been signed.

for sale

We start building towards the end of the summer and our townhome is up for sale. Let us know if you're interested!!

We are leaving the state (just for a few days)! I haven't made it farther than Park City since Grace was born, and I don't think Danilo's been anywhere but Salt Lake. We're taking advantage of our hard earned sky miles to spend a few days in Florida. Grace is staying with each set of grandparents, and after all the research I've done on babycenter.com and phone calls I've made to discuss leaving my baby for a few days I have come to the conclusion that this is going to hurt me more than it hurts her and it will be good for Grace for her mom and dad to go have some fun together!

The only thing going on that the mail failed to mention is that Danilo graduated as a radiology technologist (the same day my sister Hailey graduated in elementary education). He will begin specializing in MRI in the fall. We can see the end from here!!
Grace is looking forward to being able to spend more time at home with her dad (so am I)!

What Is This?

This is seconds after Gracie figured out where I go when we get in the car. I was reaching back from the front seat to give her her pacifier like I've been doing the last six months of her life and I saw her head whip around and connect the pacifier with my arm and my face. She looked at me like, "Is that where you've been when we get in the car my whole life?" It was super sweet. I'm thankful for camera phones that allow you to have a camera on hand every second in case something like this happens.

Why High School Musical? you may ask

NOTE: Title of this post refers to the song that was playing on our blog at the time it was posted

The truth is, I have never seen Danilo so little in my life (well, since we've been married) during these last few semesters of his schooling. We will go four, five, six days solid seeing each other for prayer in the morning (during which I am somewhat comatose) and a half hour at night. It has given me an appreciation for how sweet it is just to BE TOGETHER when we are. So while Troy and Gabriella are in a cheesy high school relationship worrying about life after graduation, it's amazing how fitting the words to Just Wanna Be with You are!! I am thankful for my little girl who keeps me company. I would be super lonely without her!

Oh to be this cute in the morning...

First Ticket

I don't know if my first cavity at 17 or my first traffic ticket last week was more painful. I held out on both for a very long time. Tuesday morning, 7:26. Coming back from the gym. School zone lights are on. No kids out yet. I slow from 35 to 25. Is that a cop car parked on that side street? Shoot. I'm going slower than I was, but faster than 20. The car is dark. I don't think there's anyone in it. Or if there is, maybe the officer tolerates going 25 in a school zone when the kids aren't out yet, because surely they would be following me by now. Thank goodness. Wait. The car is pulling out. The car has its lights on. Maybe they got an important call and need to head this direction. Let me get out of the way. I pull over. Please don't pull up behind me. He pulls up behind me. No wait, she pulls up behind me and she's getting out of the car. As my window is coming down, I am thankful to have a little more life experience behind me than the first time I was pulled over at 16 and it made me cry.
"Apparently you didn't see the school zone back there."
"No, I did, and I know better."
"Why were you speeding?"
"I know better."
"You wanna knock out someone's kid?"
"No." Do I tell her I'm a school teacher? No, that will just give her more material.
"Can I see your license and insurance?"
I don't take my purse with me to the gym at 6:30. Well, I do now. No license. I hand over my insurance information. She goes back to her car. Ten minutes later I am handed my first traffic ticket and told to appear in justice court within 14 days. I try not to let words on the ticket like, "defendant," "without admitting guilt," and " IF YOU FAIL TO APPEAR THE COURT MAY ISSUE A WARRANT FOR YOUR ARREST" make me feel like a criminal.
"This will teach me," I tell the officer.
She actually smiles, I think having determined I'm not quite the punk she thought she was going to encounter, and says, "Have a safe day."
I would like to thank the hearing officer who made the experience of going to justice court bearable. When he said, "Ouch, school zone, huh?" and I told him I was a teacher, he asked where. When I told him I was at home now with my baby, he asked to see a picture and said the things moms like to hear about their babies. He then proceeded to give me my options. Paying $125 to attend traffic school was the best one. Yes, that'll teach me. The good news? I still get to be Grace's mom.

I love how...

...little things have suddenly become a very big deal....

Adventures in Substituting

I started substituting in the elementary and secondary schools in the last month or so. I go in one day a week and Gracie's grandmas have the chore of taking turns watching her. It's been fun to still keep my foot in the door as an educator because I really enjoy teaching. Other reasons why substituting is great:

- everything is prepared for you when you get there

- someone is coming to pick up where you left off the next day

- if a class is unbearable, you don't have to face them the next day :)

I've also enjoyed getting a taste of every grade level. I think I could teach almost any grade and enjoy it, and believe it or not, the substituting I have done in jr. high has been my very favorite so far.

The grandmas who "have" to watch Grace

I've prepared a little game for all our blog readers. Guess what grade level I was teaching when I had each experience: (your choices are: elementary, jr. high, and high school...award yourself extra points if you are dead on with the grade level)

a. Was asked, "Can we call you Mrs. Gordita?" when the students found out my last name was Spanish. I responded, "Mrs. Chubby?" and everyone else went, "OOOOOOOOO!"

b. "Your name is Mrs. Camaro, right?"

c. Saw several of my past students in the hallway and taught four or five of them in Pre Algebra and Utah Studies.

d. Had my cousin in English class. She sent a text message to my sister who was also in the building that said, "I am not texting in your sister's class."

e. Supervised students covering each others' faces in plaster for a true mummy experience.

Answers below:

a. High School. Junior English.
b. Elementary School. 1st grade.
c. Junior High. 7th grade.
d. High School. Junior English. Again. Cute Katie.
e. Elementary School. 6th grade.

I'm thankful I can help out a little financially doing something I enjoy. And the very best part of substitute teaching? Knowing that in a few hours I get to come home to this: (my mom sent this to me today on my phone while I was gone)

Yellow! Red! Orange!

Yesterday my family swung by to pick up Grace and me on their way to a leaf drive. We drove all the way up to Bear Lake and came down through Sardine Canyon where we saw some simply GORGEOUS LEAVES! I know I must officially be a mom now, or at least grown up. I remember sitting in the back seat of the car hearing my Mom rave about the leaves and now I get almost as excited as she does. "Look at that RED! Look at that YELLOW!" We did manage to grab some raspberry shakes while we were up at Bear Lake. Delicious.

Grace and I missed having her Dad along, and we're so thankful for all he does for us. These are the first and second year students in his radiology program at the hospital.
After working for Goldenwest Credit Union for the past two and a half months, Danilo was able to get on as an RPT (radiology practical technician) at the hospital which means in addition to doing clinicals at the hospital, he will work there as well with a limited license. Goldenwest has been a really enjoyable job for Danilo that landed in our lives at an important time (around the time Gracie was born and my last paycheck from the school district arrived). We feel so blessed!