I think I can blog now

I vacuumed the living room right before I took the tree down so I could take a picture... because I did not vacuum once in December... please...let me explain :)

I never checked in here the whole month of December except to quickly announce our baby news. The truth? For some people, pregnancy hormones are not only the perfect storm for morning sickness, but for a bout with depression. I am one of those people.

We found out shortly before the election that we were expecting a new baby (hooray!). When my dreams of having a President Romney were crushed, I expected to feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to drag on for weeks. I felt terribly gloomy. And nauseated. And I finally keyed in to the fact that perhaps my symptoms were not fully related to politics.

During my first pregnancy, I was teaching school, and the world, whether I could keep my breakfast down or not, had to keep turning. I decided to try for the same strategy this go round. I thrive on getting up early and getting things done. I feared morning sickness would keep me in bed all morning, and darned if I would let it. I scheduled all kinds of commitments in the morning that would require me to get out of bed and get moving.

I didn’t feel good for any of it. And the more I did, the worse I felt. Feeling that way day in and day out was wearing on my emotional well-being, which was already thin from the gloomy thoughts and feelings the depression was causing.  I realized one day when my sister was nursing me back to health on her couch with a plateful of chicken nuggets (I am eating like a mother bear at least every two hours) that something had to give. Many things had to give. I decided I could take on one major task each day. Major tasks = one trip to Wal-Mart, one trip to the grocery store, cleaning one bathroom, vacuuming one room, doing the laundry. ONE a day. For years I have exercised at 6 a.m. I bagged any form of exercise completely so I could sleep more (...and continued to eat like a mother bear through the holidays... I hope you get to experience that, guilt-free, at least once in your life!).

The sleep felt good. For the first time, lack of exercise felt good. The little energy I did have wasn’t spent at the gym. And resting throughout the day felt good, though it was hard to see my house kind of crumble in on me. I knew I was refraining from fully taking care of the house for a good reason. Grace and I got to read lots of books and watch lots of movies together.

Little by little as the morning sickness fades away, the depression is too. I saw our baby's face yesterday on ultra-sound, and it brought me so much JOY.

I wanted to include some tricks I use to battle depression when it comes calling. My hope is that some of this information can be helpful to someone else.  

-Knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. Any battle with depression will never be as bad as the first when it was unfamiliar to you.

-Don't fight it. You will get even more discouraged in the process and it will still settle in anyway. Recognize it for what it is, and know it might stay for awhile. But also know you've beaten it before.

-Understand that the depressed you is not the real you. When you have irrational feelings and thoughts, instead of wondering if you're going insane, blame it on the hormones or lack of serotonin in your brain, and don't give them much more airtime than that. The sane, rational thoughts belong to you and they will dominate more and more as you do your best to just push through each day.

-Don't worry about what you might be losing because of your bout with depression (example: I'm having a baby, this is supposed to be a really happy time and I feel like this???) There is much to be gained from a bout of depression that will make you a better person. The losses will be made up in one way or another.

Each of these tricks represents a light-bulb moment I had in the midst of a bout of depression. Somehow I always think these tricks will be enough, that I won't get down and discouraged but be able to sail on through. While the tricks are essential in getting through, I always find I have another one to learn with each new bout of depression. Here's something I have gained from this time around:

I can choose to be happy in spite of depression (sounds kind of ironic, I know). I was really inspired by this article, and it helped me throughout the Christmas season. Depression kind of colors the way you see everything, but I made a deliberate effort, especially at times and events I was looking forward to, to enjoy them and be happy. I would think to myself, I know the way I'm feeling right now tells me I should feel really lousy tonight, but I've been looking forward to seeing these people, so tonight, I'm going to be happy.

Something I must relearn each time is to trust that whatever adversity I am experiencing is for my good. I sing its praises for all it has taught me, but depression is awful. It is difficult, demeaning, debilitating, causes you to severely doubt yourself and sucks life out of you and the things you enjoy. When you're looking at it in hindsight you think it probably wasn't quite so bad. But when you're in thick of it, you think, "Oh. I remember."

However, I recently read this quote by C.S. Lewis (I love his reasoning on God):

"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary, for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."


P.S. These kinds of things run in my family... for a blog detailing my sister's experiences with anxiety, please visit this site.

1st Saturday of Seven

The older I get,

the more I develop a deep and abiding love for my country.

It's come from my parents and grandparents

who have spoken with love and reverence for this country

since before I could understand why they did

but I could sense it was important.

It's come from a love for American History nurtured by high school teachers

and especially my university professor who told history as a story.

It's come from reading books about our history

and books about other countries and the horrors of tyranny and dictatorship 

and other examples of lack of freedom.

Sometimes you don't know what you have til someone helps you imagine life without it.

It's come from having my own 9/11 story...."I remember where I was that day..."

It's come from my experience as a delegate where I became more involved in the political process than I ever had up til that point.

It's come from traveling my country...

In the last ten years I have spent time (more than a layover or drive through) in

Washington, California, Nevada, Idaho, Wyoming, South Dakota, Nebraska, North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, Florida, and Alaska

and learned why there are songs that talk about 

"amber waves of grain" and "purple mountain majesties"

or "the lakes of Minnesota" and "the hills of Tennessee"

and "the plains of Texas, from sea to shining sea"

all in the same verse.

Her landscape is varied and it is beautiful.

And in these beautiful places I have met beautiful people

whose hearts are kind and seen what the American dream

has allowed people to accomplish on small and grand scales.

It's come from the examples of friends and neighbors throughout my life

who have answered the call to serve their country and their families who stay behind

who have a different kind of reverence for this country

than I have yet experienced.

There is an election in 45 days that I believe is more critical

than many that have come before it.

Tonight and every Saturday after until the election,

I am going to post a reason why I have chosen to cast my vote

the way I have.

I do this very humbly.

I am not a political science major, or a history professor or a journalist.

But I'm an American wife and mother

who feels she can't sit silent on this issue.

This is the best way I know to make a difference.

If you don't agree with me, that's okay.

I have friends who are very dear to me 

who don't see politics they way I do.

 However, if you feel like it's the right thing to do,

please share these posts through email 

and on Facebook with friends and family

in your state and out of your state whose vote

is undecided or maybe even decided.

What can you do to make a difference in this election?

Passionate

The other day I read an article about how it's important for moms (and anyone, really) to have something they are passionate about that will help them stay well-rounded and help them be better moms. I was trying to figure out if there was anything unique to me that I was truly passionate about as I was driving that day. When I saw a sign for a candidate I truly believe in and my heart started to soar, I figured I'd found it.

I have always believed it was important to vote. Usually when election time rolls around, I try and pull out that voter's information guide that comes in the mail and decide who I will vote for that morning over breakfast. This time I have been involved since April. I mentioned several months ago that I had been given the opportunity to be a county and state delegate and will forever be thankful for what I have learned and experienced in the process. For the rest of this post I am going to insert some pictures I took during my political experience this year. A few things I have learned or strengthened my understanding of are:

- It matters to our Heavenly Father that we are involved in politics.

As Benjamin Franklin was leaving the building where, after four months of hard work, the Constitution had been completed and signed, a lady asked him what kind of government did the convention create. A very old, very tired, and very wise Benjamin Franklin replied;
“A Republic, ma’am if you can keep it.”

I believe that God raised up men like Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, George Washington and others with the minds and hearts ready to produce a document like the Constitution. I believe the principles of the Constitution are so central to our lives that like the air we breathe we sometimes forget to be thankful for them. I believe that God expects us to use our agency to uphold the rights defined for us in the Constitution.

- Politics allows you to take a stand on issues that really matter to you. Issues you are passionate about. It's really satisfying that way.

- Some aspects of politics are REALLY ugly. People can be very mean and say very hurtful things. Sometimes candidates choose to focus on destroying the reputation of their opponent rather than maintaining ground on the people and positions and values they have been sent to represent. People write really nasty things about individuals or collective groups or parties in the newspaper and especially on the internet. The language can get as bad as a junior high hallway. While God expects us to get involved in politics, I believe He expects us to do so in a civil manner by treating others with dignity. In doing so we can be true to ourselves.

- Some aspects of politics are really wonderful. I have had the opportunity to expand my mind, meet people I strongly agree and strongly disagree with and been influenced for the better by both.

- Being informed can become discouraging when you begin to recognize all the daunting problems that are facing our country, but I believe Heavenly Father is 100% aware of what is going on. Quotes like this fill my heart with hope and confidence in my country:

"Men may fail in this country, earthquakes may come, seas may heave beyond their bounds, there may be great drought, disaster, and hardship, but this nation, founded on principles laid down by men whom God raised up, will never fail."

President Harold B. Lee, Ye Are the Light of the World, 350

So if I've piqued your interest enough and you're wondering how can you become involved, I've made a little list of the things that made this past election season so meaningful to me:

Read the Constitution. It's like scripture. I will seriously send you a copy if you want me to.

Read The 5,000 Year Leap. It helps you understand the moral foundation of our country which allowed us to go from plowing fields the same way we had for thousands of years to sending man to the moon in less than two centuries.

Be prayerful. I pray for the ability to recognize truth when I hear it and to not be deceived.

Follow political organizations you believe in online locally and nationally that interest you and ring true to your heart. Subscribe to their emails. When they have events, go and listen. That includes going to hear candidates speak. On the senate level, they often try to make it to each of the counties a couple of times during their campaign.

Read the editorial section in the newspaper and determine how you feel about the issues discussed there.

Listen to talk radio. Change the station when you're disgusted and keep listening when you're inspired. My heart starts beating faster when something I really believe in is being defended or discussed. (Gracie likes to dance and knows there is a stereo in the car. I don't get to listen to talk radio as much as I would like anymore. :)

When election day comes, vote with confidence for the people and issues you believe in. Live with the peace of knowing that you are doing your duty to be informed and involved. Your example may be making a powerful difference.

mail

Sometimes I don't post for awhile because I am grasping at something interesting enough to blog about. That hasn't been the case. There has been so much going on the last month or two that I've been grasping at a way to blog about all of it. And then the mail came yesterday, and it almost sums up the whole story.

I am a state delegate. Quick explanation on what that means: I've been searching for ways to become more politically educated because I love my country and don't want to be ignorant of what's going on. I've tried talk radio, I've tried different news channels, the newspaper, and the internet and still felt like I wasn't on board. So we attended our caucus meeting in March where a total of seven people showed up (I know I've heard of much heavier attendance at caucus meetings this year than in years past, and our chairwoman said ours was no different, in fact, the numbers had doubled. I've heard other caucuses filled high school auditoriums. We partially filled a living room :). The purpose of a caucus is to elect county and state delegates that will represent your precinct, or part of your neighborhood, at the county and state conventions where officials are elected from the party. This is where and how it really is about we the people. Sitting there at the caucus I thought, maybe this is my chance to get involved. When nominations went up for a county delegate, I raised my hand, a motion was made and seconded. When nominations went up for state delegates, I raised my hand, a motion was made and seconded.

Governor Herbert at the county convention

Since then my phone, email, mailbox, and doorstep have been flooded with efforts from candidates at the county and state level to secure my vote. We've met quite a few of the candidates at the county and state level (or at least stood a few feet away to hear them speak) and whenever I bring Grace with me, she usually catches their eye :). The county convention was held last month and was SO COOL! And now I've got a few more days to ponder which candidates will get my vote for senator and governor at the state convention. I have since learned that it is generally more difficult to be selected as a delegate, especially if there are more than ten people in the room :), and that it's even more rare to be selected for county and state, so I have been very thankful for this opportunity. An education in politics was what I was looking for and boy have I ever received one!!!!

We are building a home!! We've hopped in and out of the housing market a few times the last few months with the plan of probably buying an existing home, until we stopped into an Ivory Homes model home. Their incentives are as great as their homes are beautiful. The papers have been signed.

for sale

We start building towards the end of the summer and our townhome is up for sale. Let us know if you're interested!!

We are leaving the state (just for a few days)! I haven't made it farther than Park City since Grace was born, and I don't think Danilo's been anywhere but Salt Lake. We're taking advantage of our hard earned sky miles to spend a few days in Florida. Grace is staying with each set of grandparents, and after all the research I've done on babycenter.com and phone calls I've made to discuss leaving my baby for a few days I have come to the conclusion that this is going to hurt me more than it hurts her and it will be good for Grace for her mom and dad to go have some fun together!

The only thing going on that the mail failed to mention is that Danilo graduated as a radiology technologist (the same day my sister Hailey graduated in elementary education). He will begin specializing in MRI in the fall. We can see the end from here!!
Grace is looking forward to being able to spend more time at home with her dad (so am I)!

I Did Not Brainwash My Husband

We've had some pretty interesting discussions in our home the last several weeks. I'd decided with the presidential election coming up, I wanted to be an informed voter. I feel a responsibility as a teacher and a future mom and an American citizen to be educated on what's going on in my country and I feel very grateful for the rights and privileges and blessings that come from being an American. So as a result I have been reading the paper and articles on the internet and watched the debates and...brace yourself... converted to talk radio. Never thought I'd say those words. The way I see it now, my favorite country station only adds a new song here and there, otherwise, it's always the same stuff. So I still tune in once or twice a week, but talk radio is fresh everyday. A lot of the time it's intriguing and gives me something to toss around inside my head the rest of the day. And then the next time I see my parents I get excited to see if they were listening when I was and if they heard what that talk-host said, or the comment that that caller made. In the process, I have become seriously passionate about my choice. So when Danilo watched a debate or two with me and commented that he would vote for the other choice based on CHARISMA, I almost went through the ceiling. True, if charisma was the deciding factor, he had picked the correct candidate, bless my husband's heart. He's a recently sworn in American citizen (a handsome one, too), and I hope to teach him all about the country he belongs to! Though something has always just felt right about the reasoning my parents give for voting the way they do, I wanted to be able to stand on my own two feet about it. I have found it worth the price I've paid to become educated this year with more than just the candidate's face and mannersims. It has been a slow and steady process, but a couple of times a week I will come home with something I have heard or read that day that I want Danilo to chew on. I have done my best not to entirely brainwash him. It's been fun to talk politics and get him fired up about the issues. I think I have swayed him my direction! We're still working on the economy issue, but I think after a conversation with friends last night he's coming around. :) We'll see how it all goes tomorrow.