I think I can blog now

I vacuumed the living room right before I took the tree down so I could take a picture... because I did not vacuum once in December... please...let me explain :)

I never checked in here the whole month of December except to quickly announce our baby news. The truth? For some people, pregnancy hormones are not only the perfect storm for morning sickness, but for a bout with depression. I am one of those people.

We found out shortly before the election that we were expecting a new baby (hooray!). When my dreams of having a President Romney were crushed, I expected to feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to drag on for weeks. I felt terribly gloomy. And nauseated. And I finally keyed in to the fact that perhaps my symptoms were not fully related to politics.

During my first pregnancy, I was teaching school, and the world, whether I could keep my breakfast down or not, had to keep turning. I decided to try for the same strategy this go round. I thrive on getting up early and getting things done. I feared morning sickness would keep me in bed all morning, and darned if I would let it. I scheduled all kinds of commitments in the morning that would require me to get out of bed and get moving.

I didn’t feel good for any of it. And the more I did, the worse I felt. Feeling that way day in and day out was wearing on my emotional well-being, which was already thin from the gloomy thoughts and feelings the depression was causing.  I realized one day when my sister was nursing me back to health on her couch with a plateful of chicken nuggets (I am eating like a mother bear at least every two hours) that something had to give. Many things had to give. I decided I could take on one major task each day. Major tasks = one trip to Wal-Mart, one trip to the grocery store, cleaning one bathroom, vacuuming one room, doing the laundry. ONE a day. For years I have exercised at 6 a.m. I bagged any form of exercise completely so I could sleep more (...and continued to eat like a mother bear through the holidays... I hope you get to experience that, guilt-free, at least once in your life!).

The sleep felt good. For the first time, lack of exercise felt good. The little energy I did have wasn’t spent at the gym. And resting throughout the day felt good, though it was hard to see my house kind of crumble in on me. I knew I was refraining from fully taking care of the house for a good reason. Grace and I got to read lots of books and watch lots of movies together.

Little by little as the morning sickness fades away, the depression is too. I saw our baby's face yesterday on ultra-sound, and it brought me so much JOY.

I wanted to include some tricks I use to battle depression when it comes calling. My hope is that some of this information can be helpful to someone else.  

-Knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. Any battle with depression will never be as bad as the first when it was unfamiliar to you.

-Don't fight it. You will get even more discouraged in the process and it will still settle in anyway. Recognize it for what it is, and know it might stay for awhile. But also know you've beaten it before.

-Understand that the depressed you is not the real you. When you have irrational feelings and thoughts, instead of wondering if you're going insane, blame it on the hormones or lack of serotonin in your brain, and don't give them much more airtime than that. The sane, rational thoughts belong to you and they will dominate more and more as you do your best to just push through each day.

-Don't worry about what you might be losing because of your bout with depression (example: I'm having a baby, this is supposed to be a really happy time and I feel like this???) There is much to be gained from a bout of depression that will make you a better person. The losses will be made up in one way or another.

Each of these tricks represents a light-bulb moment I had in the midst of a bout of depression. Somehow I always think these tricks will be enough, that I won't get down and discouraged but be able to sail on through. While the tricks are essential in getting through, I always find I have another one to learn with each new bout of depression. Here's something I have gained from this time around:

I can choose to be happy in spite of depression (sounds kind of ironic, I know). I was really inspired by this article, and it helped me throughout the Christmas season. Depression kind of colors the way you see everything, but I made a deliberate effort, especially at times and events I was looking forward to, to enjoy them and be happy. I would think to myself, I know the way I'm feeling right now tells me I should feel really lousy tonight, but I've been looking forward to seeing these people, so tonight, I'm going to be happy.

Something I must relearn each time is to trust that whatever adversity I am experiencing is for my good. I sing its praises for all it has taught me, but depression is awful. It is difficult, demeaning, debilitating, causes you to severely doubt yourself and sucks life out of you and the things you enjoy. When you're looking at it in hindsight you think it probably wasn't quite so bad. But when you're in thick of it, you think, "Oh. I remember."

However, I recently read this quote by C.S. Lewis (I love his reasoning on God):

"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary, for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."


P.S. These kinds of things run in my family... for a blog detailing my sister's experiences with anxiety, please visit this site.

A Month Ago Today was a Really Happy Day

So we dressed up really nice

because my sister was marrying

the love of her life.

Lots of special people came to town,
Colin's family from Indiana, Aunt Paula from California, and

Kelli (Arizona), Rakel (Sweden) and Joe (Missouri) to name a few.

and we may have thrown the most successful

Utah Mormon wedding dance party known to...Utah

(oh, you thought you were here to

shake some hands, grab some cheesecake

and run? Get your hands in the air!).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sOYvVtB43k

And so ended the summer that I went from

no brothers-in-law to three.

I am so thankful for these people.

Mr. & Mrs. Vargas

nieces waiting for Cynthia & Jose

with my sisters-in-law

And then we danced. My family was also there and it was fun to have them experience a Latino wedding with us. Danilo let them know he wanted to see them on the dance floor, and they did NOT disappoint (although I was most amused by my dad who danced for the first time in my life, and must have been so taken aback that I didn't record it). And watch that last clip of Danilo dancing with my mom and tell me I'm not the luckiest girl in the world.

We were so happy to be a part of Cynthia and Jose's special day. It was wonderful from beginning to end.



Note: This post is also known as I Get My 2nd Brother-In-Law. Please watch for my 3rd brother-in-law coming this September.

Introducing My First Ever Brother-In-Law

... and his darling new wife. Jordan and I go WAY back. There's this Primary song about the baptism of Jesus that tells how he was baptized "in the river Jordan's flow." I remember learning the song in church one Sunday and not grasping the larger picture, but imagining a bunch of Jordan Pearts flowing in a river. We grew up in the same neighborhood til we moved when I was 13, but we still attended the same jr. high and high schools. While we never ate lunch at the same table or ran around with the same crowd, I always remember respecting him from a distance. He seemed like the kind of guy who didn't need to experiment with some of the garbage those stages of life can offer. He seemed to have it together.

He had Chelsea from day one. Their wedding day was among one of the sweetest days of my life. Days like that are the very substance of life because of moments like this

and all the quiet ones happening in your heart reassuring you that these people and these times are what matter the very most.

To: Brittney From: Danilo Extended Cut

Scroll down on the right hand side and hit pause on our blog soundtrack... it's going to get noisy.

Heritage

Last weekend we paid another visit to that small town in Idaho I wrote about a couple of months ago. While Pioneer Day is a Utah holiday, they were settled by Mormon pioneers and join in the celebration every year with parades and rodeos and other events that hold the promise of making sweet summer memories. After a weekend enjoying cousins and delicious food and horses and time spent doing what we like to call shooting the breeze in the living room at night, we pulled out for the drive home. It wasn't until I had time sitting in the front seat that I realized for the first time why I think that little town is so dear to me. My ancestors were among the pioneers who settled that valley, and so when I am there, I am standing where they stood. I can't get much closer to my heritage than that. The ranch house we stay in every time we visit was built by my great-great grandfather in 1909. My great-grandfather's house that he purchased for something like $250 in the 1920s is still standing down the road. We are standing where they lived out their lives and there is something so special and important about that and something inside of me senses that when I'm there. Heritage is a powerful thing. When I hear their stories and look at their pictures, it makes me want to live a life of honor so they would be pleased to claim me as their own.

All of these pictures were taken in the same small town at one time... or another.

my great-great grandfather standing with two of his children in front of their log cabin


my great-grandfather, Noel Parke, 1917

Danilo trying to get Gracie to ride a pony, last weekend

my great-grandma, Clarice Olsen, right


my great-grandpa, Noel Parke, back row second from right
I knew him. He always told us he was a "handsome devil."


my handsome man on a horse last weekend


the Parke family float in the town parade last Saturday morning
led by a team of beautiful horses


Noel and Clarice


a few years into their marriage
yes my great-grandfather had a soul patch

Danilo jumping off the board at Rocky Ledge



Gracie thought my grandpa's twin brother was her Great-Grandpa Parke.
Sunday morning she was completely content to just kick back in the recliner and
share the living room with him. When I tried to take this picture she said, "Bye, Mom."
I got the idea and left them alone.


my grandpa and my great-uncle Dar (the twins) with their mother Clarice


Dar and Dianne made up 90 bottles of homemade root beer in vintage bottles for the holiday weekend


Dar demonstrating how to seal the caps on the bottles


my great-grandfather Noel with his three sons, Val, Darrel, and Darwin


Dar sucking in his gut before the picture was taken... but I had already taken it

The 10th

What started out in 2001 as this


has grown into a 4th of July tradition involving in-laws and family on both sides. If you want to stay out, you better be inside or with the youngin's (click on the collage for a better view).

Wait. Who is that going after Danilo? Just my 80-year-old grandfather. He dishes it out as well as any of the rest of us can.


On this 10th anniversary, we'd like to thank our founder, Uncle Russell.

The Alaskan Cruise Adventure

If you click on the collages, you'll be able to see them bigger and better.

THE CAR RIDE
Our Alaskan Disney Cruise began with a 15-hour drive to Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada which we broke into two days. Gracie did extremely well other than giving Andrew a hard time and only had one major meltdown the entire trip.



SEATTLE
After driving 12 hours the first day, we arrived in Redmond, Washington where my great-aunt Angela and her husband Dick live. Their beautiful house is shown far right center below. We spent that next day touring Seattle.


A three hour drive the next day took us to Vancouver and to our cruise ship, the Disney Wonder. We enjoyed an incredible and unforgettable vacation on ship and in every port it landed, all thanks to

THE CHARACTERS
Gracie was a little stunned when we set her on Belle's lap within the first hour of boarding the ship. Throughout the week she warmed up to the idea and by the end was dragging us after characters saying, "Picture." Her favorite by far was Minnie Mouse.


THE ENTERTAINMENT
My Dad was pulled up by the Disney entertainers at the opening celebration to do the YMCA with three other dads. He made us so proud! Our family took part in the Disney car derby and I achieved my lifelong goal of assisting a magician on stage.


THE SHOWS
We were wowed every night by incredible performances like Toy Story the Musical.
TRACY ARM, ALASKA
was one of the most awe-inspiring moments I've ever had in nature. It's a location in Alaska where you can't land, but everyone comes out on the decks and verandahs of the ship to be amazed. I knew we were headed towards a glacier and that that would mean icebergs. I really tried to remember that the cruise industry has been going to Alaska for decades and hasn't sunk a ship. But several other people that day mentioned how the ice made them a little uneasy. It started out with an iceberg or two scattered here or there and I really thought that the captain was dodging them. Until I saw an entire sea of icebergs ahead of us and realized we were going to plow through them. I was really thankful to see the Carnival cruise ship coming back our direction (top left) having already been where we were headed. We saw sea otters sitting on the icebergs and eagles nesting in the trees as we slowly cruised through the area and ended up at Stanley Glacier.


WHALE WATCHING IN JUNEAU
Did I say that Tracy Arm was where I had the most awe-inspiring experience I had ever had with nature? Now I'm stuck between that and our whale watching adventure, and I'm not going to choose between the two. After leaving the cruise ship at the port in Juneau, we boarded a motor boat with 10 or 12 other people and headed off into the massive ocean. I was going to consider my experience worthwhile if I saw a whale tail or two, but an hour and a half or so later, we had probably seen whales and orca (I learned there's a difference) surface 30 or 40 times. It was amazing. We also saw and heard them shoot water out of their spouts.


Our captain and crew member said we had come out on one of the best days either one of them could remember.


BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC ALASKA
The other ports we stopped in were in Skagway and Ketchikan. We learned about their histories and shopped in their shops like I try to do in most places I visit. But the landscape again was like nothing I had ever seen.


JORGE & NANDOS

Do you ever meet people that you know you're going to have a hard time saying goodbye to? I knew within a couple of encounters that that was going to be the case with our dinner servers, Jorge (from Portugal) and Nandos (from Indonesia). Cruises are known for their hospitality and charismatic dinner servers from all over the world, so I was pretty sure I was going to like them. But these two men had found a place in our hearts way before it was time to go home. They made us feel like taking care of us was their genuine pleasure. They went the extra mile in everything they did, from bringing us both desserts when we couldn't decide between two (which didn't cost us any extra :), pouring Gracie's ketchup into a Mickey Mouse shape, cutting her food, and when she would fall asleep when we were still eating at 9:30 at night, they would make a bed out of chairs and tuck her in with a table cloth. They entertained us with magic tricks and shared pictures and stories of their families with us. Yes they were paid for their work, but they did it with an intensity and a goodness that inspired me and made me want to do any job I'm given in the future with much more energy and enthusiasm. This went on for six nights. When the seventh and last night came and it was time to say goodbye, our family had made a decision that made it a little easier for me. Along with some souvenirs from Alaska, we presented our two servers each with a Book of Mormon. We wrote to them in a letter how as a family we felt they had given us so much that we wanted to leave something precious to us behind. And if either one of them are able to benefit from reading it, the lasting happiness and peace the Book of Mormon has brought to me would be the greatest gift I could share with them.

Take a look at the bottom center picture where Nandos is laughing... hard. He was in charge of our drinks and got used to bringing us water and juice and soda. On one of the last evenings, he came to take my mom's order and she said, "I think I'm gonna be a little crazy tonight."
"Okay. I make you a Shirley Temple?" Nandos asked, thinking finally someone at our table might drink.
"No, a chocolate milk."
He laughed so hard, long enough that we were able to get out the camera. It was hysterical.