Five Mini-Posts

Oh blog, it's good to be here again. I have missed you! It's just that I've felt terribly lousy for so long. One day I was trying to remember the last time I felt good, and it had been since Halloween. It's okay, I firmly believe that baby boy is worth it. Thankfully, I have actually started to feel better in the last two or three weeks and enjoy a little of what's left of this pregnancy.

So I thought I would stop in and write some mini-posts about the things I would have blogged about had I been feeling better.

Mini Post #1

Danilo and Brittney Finish the Dr. Quinn Series

It's no secret that I was completely enthralled with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Secretly inside I feared the day that we would finish the last episode because it would be OVER. Fortunately our set of six seasons also included the Dr. Quinn movies. We actually watched the last one last night.

(Michaela sifting through her mother's belongings after her funeral in Boston before they return to Colorado Springs.)

Michaela: Photographs. They're not just things, are they?

Sully: No. I agree. They're pieces of a person's soul. Somethin' to be treasured forever.

Michaela: (tears falling down her face) Sully, there is a forever, isn't there?

Sully: Oh yeah. We're all going to be together again.

Michaela: Promise?

(Kiss.)

Sully: I promise. 

(From The Heart Within, A Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman movie)

I have this dream that somewhere, maybe in Heaven, our favorite characters from books and movies exist just as we envision them. If I ever find it, be sure that Danilo and I will be spending some quality time with Michaela and Sully.

Mini Post #2

I Heart YouTube Prenatal Workouts

I have found some very enjoyable and effective prenatal workouts on YouTube. My favorite thing about them is that the instructors say things like:

"Now don't push yourself too hard."

"Listen carefully to your body. You don't have to take this to the next level."

"You're doing great. I'm so proud of you for getting up and doing this today."

I feel like a million bucks when I'm done. Here are my favorites.

and my absolute favorite,

Prenatal Pilates with the darling Lizbeth Garcia

Mini Post #3

Kitchen Curtains, Check!

I found several pictures on Pinterest of curtains I wanted for my kitchen and with a lot of help from my Mom, we were able to whip them up in two afternoons. We had fun. I sure appreciated it. Here is the finished product:

The side of my fridge looks terribly unflattering.
Oh, well. It's not like this is a catalog. :)

Mini Post #4

Brittney Discovers Dress Barn

I'd driven past Dress Barn before and thought it sounded like a place Old MacDonald's wife would shop. I'd just never been tempted to go in. Until I attended a vintage dress fashion show put on by Sharon Hill from the neighborhood where I grew up. Sharon was modeling a whole collection of her mother's gorgeous dresses from the 1940s and the whole event was being hosted by Dress Barn. Between Sharon's dress changes, other ladies would model dresses from Dress Barn. And they were so flattering and pretty. They were also affordable. I added to my closet some dresses I absolutely LOVE. I would recommend checking out your local Dress Barn if you never have.

Attempt #49 to get a flattering picture while 7 1/2 months pregnant :)

Mini Post #5
Park City

I told Danilo a couple of months ago that before the baby came I dreamed of a getaway for the three of us that would give me just a two day escape from making beds, cooking, or doing dishes. So Danilo booked a Best Western in Park City with a swimming pool and made my dream come true.

I think I can blog now

I vacuumed the living room right before I took the tree down so I could take a picture... because I did not vacuum once in December... please...let me explain :)

I never checked in here the whole month of December except to quickly announce our baby news. The truth? For some people, pregnancy hormones are not only the perfect storm for morning sickness, but for a bout with depression. I am one of those people.

We found out shortly before the election that we were expecting a new baby (hooray!). When my dreams of having a President Romney were crushed, I expected to feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to drag on for weeks. I felt terribly gloomy. And nauseated. And I finally keyed in to the fact that perhaps my symptoms were not fully related to politics.

During my first pregnancy, I was teaching school, and the world, whether I could keep my breakfast down or not, had to keep turning. I decided to try for the same strategy this go round. I thrive on getting up early and getting things done. I feared morning sickness would keep me in bed all morning, and darned if I would let it. I scheduled all kinds of commitments in the morning that would require me to get out of bed and get moving.

I didn’t feel good for any of it. And the more I did, the worse I felt. Feeling that way day in and day out was wearing on my emotional well-being, which was already thin from the gloomy thoughts and feelings the depression was causing.  I realized one day when my sister was nursing me back to health on her couch with a plateful of chicken nuggets (I am eating like a mother bear at least every two hours) that something had to give. Many things had to give. I decided I could take on one major task each day. Major tasks = one trip to Wal-Mart, one trip to the grocery store, cleaning one bathroom, vacuuming one room, doing the laundry. ONE a day. For years I have exercised at 6 a.m. I bagged any form of exercise completely so I could sleep more (...and continued to eat like a mother bear through the holidays... I hope you get to experience that, guilt-free, at least once in your life!).

The sleep felt good. For the first time, lack of exercise felt good. The little energy I did have wasn’t spent at the gym. And resting throughout the day felt good, though it was hard to see my house kind of crumble in on me. I knew I was refraining from fully taking care of the house for a good reason. Grace and I got to read lots of books and watch lots of movies together.

Little by little as the morning sickness fades away, the depression is too. I saw our baby's face yesterday on ultra-sound, and it brought me so much JOY.

I wanted to include some tricks I use to battle depression when it comes calling. My hope is that some of this information can be helpful to someone else.  

-Knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. Any battle with depression will never be as bad as the first when it was unfamiliar to you.

-Don't fight it. You will get even more discouraged in the process and it will still settle in anyway. Recognize it for what it is, and know it might stay for awhile. But also know you've beaten it before.

-Understand that the depressed you is not the real you. When you have irrational feelings and thoughts, instead of wondering if you're going insane, blame it on the hormones or lack of serotonin in your brain, and don't give them much more airtime than that. The sane, rational thoughts belong to you and they will dominate more and more as you do your best to just push through each day.

-Don't worry about what you might be losing because of your bout with depression (example: I'm having a baby, this is supposed to be a really happy time and I feel like this???) There is much to be gained from a bout of depression that will make you a better person. The losses will be made up in one way or another.

Each of these tricks represents a light-bulb moment I had in the midst of a bout of depression. Somehow I always think these tricks will be enough, that I won't get down and discouraged but be able to sail on through. While the tricks are essential in getting through, I always find I have another one to learn with each new bout of depression. Here's something I have gained from this time around:

I can choose to be happy in spite of depression (sounds kind of ironic, I know). I was really inspired by this article, and it helped me throughout the Christmas season. Depression kind of colors the way you see everything, but I made a deliberate effort, especially at times and events I was looking forward to, to enjoy them and be happy. I would think to myself, I know the way I'm feeling right now tells me I should feel really lousy tonight, but I've been looking forward to seeing these people, so tonight, I'm going to be happy.

Something I must relearn each time is to trust that whatever adversity I am experiencing is for my good. I sing its praises for all it has taught me, but depression is awful. It is difficult, demeaning, debilitating, causes you to severely doubt yourself and sucks life out of you and the things you enjoy. When you're looking at it in hindsight you think it probably wasn't quite so bad. But when you're in thick of it, you think, "Oh. I remember."

However, I recently read this quote by C.S. Lewis (I love his reasoning on God):

"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary, for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."


P.S. These kinds of things run in my family... for a blog detailing my sister's experiences with anxiety, please visit this site.

Welcome Summertime!

This was my day-to-day life a month ago. Cute kids. One thing we all had in common: we needed a summer (you can see it in some faces more so than others).

And now it's here! It's interesting coming to terms with the fact that my break doesn't last just three months. I've actually had a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that the only determining factor in what I will do each day is whatever I decide to do...I'm sure a certain baby girl due to arrive in one month will help.

So I have tried to make myself useful everyday. I give myself one project each day. It usually ends up being a closet to clean. I don't know about other school teachers, but if I was going to do my best as a teacher, our house had to take a little bit of a backseat. I tried to keep the living room, kitchen presentable, but anything behind a closed door was pretty scary.

I was going to take a before and after picture of each project, but I didn't know how many of you would still claim me. I'm kind of regretting not getting before shots, because I think sometimes we love ourselves a little more when we see other people have messy closets too (any men reading, please apply that thought to your own circumstance).

There's a little rhyme and reason to the order of the pantry now. Before, cereal went on top and everything else was free game.




The hallway linen closet... I open it about three or four times a day just because it feels good to see it like this. Ahhh.



The closet under the stairs. I'm not afraid to open this door anymore either. The stuff in there are things we actually use and need!

And my favorite... Gracie's room. For the

last year and a half, this room has served as the place where we put everything that didn't have a place anywhere else in the house...and we RARELY opened the door. I am so happy to report that as of today, 90% of the stuff in Gracie's room is Gracie's stuff--not my high school yearbooks, not her dad's taekwondo gear. We've got a few more things to do before she gets here, but the decluttering is just about through.

So the reason I have had the time to post 48 pictures tonight is because Danilo called the same time he does every night to tell me he's at the Front Runner station and five minutes from home, but instead to tell me that he was just leaving the hospital to catch Trax...a two-hour commute home. So that meant I was eating dinner by myself. I had tostadas planned for tonight, and while they're a favorite around here, they seemed to turn out extra yummy tonight, so I wanted to share. They're kind of pretty once they're all made up, but I'd already eaten a whole one and only had room for a half once I decided to take a picture.

On one tostada, spread:

One layer of rice (I cooked the rice with a little bit of chicken boullion)

A few avocado slices

One layer of ground beef (I seasoned it with two cloves of garlic and some dried onion)

Chopped tomato

Squeeze a lime segment over the top

Top with cheese.



Here is what a tostada looks like in and out of the package.

If you made it to the end of this post, thanks, you're really nice. I will try to be a little more brief next time.

Quick Summer Review

As a teacher just having finished her first year of teaching, summer had never meant so much to me as it did this year. As summers always do, this one filled up quickly. Danilo started everything off by getting nose surgery to clear his sinuses the first week I was home. WHAT A MISERABLE EXPERIENCE!! When all is said and done, we're glad he did it. I got to do those little jobs around the house that don't get done as easily when I'm working full-time (hanging curtains, steam-cleaning nooks and crannies). I had the opportunity to take a trip for history teachers sponsored by Larry H. Miller. We started in Casper, Wyoming and worked our way back on the pioneer trail learning about the settlement of the west. It was incredible, I am so grateful for the experience. Waterfights and rodeos and fireworks livened up July and we celebrated our 2nd anniversary in August. I got the chance to take Danilo on his first trip to Disneyland and California Adventures. He got the chance to take me on my first Tower of Terror ride.