I have discovered Downton Abbey and my life will never be the same

Can you relate? Does this music cause your heart to speed up too?

I am completely enamored by the story and its characters. The other night when the end of the episode found Mr. Bates in a desperate situation, I almost mentioned him in my prayers. I didn't think I'd ever say it, but Dr. Quinn has met her match. Thanks to Mom for introducing me, to Karlene for lending us the seasons (hopefully we had them back before you even knew about it :), and Danilo for watching it with me (was that supposed to be a secret? I love you. :)

A Month Ago Today was a Really Happy Day

So we dressed up really nice

because my sister was marrying

the love of her life.

Lots of special people came to town,
Colin's family from Indiana, Aunt Paula from California, and

Kelli (Arizona), Rakel (Sweden) and Joe (Missouri) to name a few.

and we may have thrown the most successful

Utah Mormon wedding dance party known to...Utah

(oh, you thought you were here to

shake some hands, grab some cheesecake

and run? Get your hands in the air!).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8sOYvVtB43k

And so ended the summer that I went from

no brothers-in-law to three.

I am so thankful for these people.

Mr. & Mrs. Vargas

nieces waiting for Cynthia & Jose

with my sisters-in-law

And then we danced. My family was also there and it was fun to have them experience a Latino wedding with us. Danilo let them know he wanted to see them on the dance floor, and they did NOT disappoint (although I was most amused by my dad who danced for the first time in my life, and must have been so taken aback that I didn't record it). And watch that last clip of Danilo dancing with my mom and tell me I'm not the luckiest girl in the world.

We were so happy to be a part of Cynthia and Jose's special day. It was wonderful from beginning to end.



Note: This post is also known as I Get My 2nd Brother-In-Law. Please watch for my 3rd brother-in-law coming this September.

¡Lo hicimos! We did it! We did it! Yay!

The 10th

What started out in 2001 as this


has grown into a 4th of July tradition involving in-laws and family on both sides. If you want to stay out, you better be inside or with the youngin's (click on the collage for a better view).

Wait. Who is that going after Danilo? Just my 80-year-old grandfather. He dishes it out as well as any of the rest of us can.


On this 10th anniversary, we'd like to thank our founder, Uncle Russell.

In What He Has Refused Me

Today I was thinking about some things I am really, really, really hoping for right now. That got me wondering what kind of person I would be if I had gotten everything I wanted when I wanted it.

If I had gotten to ride the carousel every time my mom and I went to Kmart when I was a little girl, it would have been expected and not special. Instead, I still remember how excited I was to drop the quarter into the machine when Mom said it was okay.


Same goes with getting gum or candy at the checkout line in the grocery store. Because it wasn't a given for every grocery store trip, I learned that I didn't get everything that I wanted, but the times when I did were more meaningful.


If my parents had agreed once I entered jr. high to spend their money on the most expensive jeans and shirts and shoes for me, I would have felt like hot stuff, but I might have not learned to look deeper than clothing. I might have chosen my friends based on their wardrobe choices and not how I felt when I was around them.


And again, the birthday when I opened up a brand new pair of Doc Martens wouldn't have been as exciting to me.

If I had married my first love, I might have been happy. I for sure would have missed out on some terribly painful heartbreak. But I never would have met and fallen in love with my Danilo, and I thank heaven on my knees that that's not the case.


If the hardships I have experienced had been lifted the first time I asked for them to be, I would have missed the opportunity to allow Heavenly Father to see me through to the end, letting Him show me that I can do hard things and that He was mindful of me through the entire process. He has taught me that this will always be the case, without exception, throughout my entire life.

This knowledge is carrying me through our job-hunting-house-building-roller-coaster of an experience.

“I have had prayers answered - most strangely so sometimes - but I think our heavenly Father's loving-kindness has been even more evident in what He has refused me.”
--Lewis Carroll

The Alaskan Cruise Adventure

If you click on the collages, you'll be able to see them bigger and better.

THE CAR RIDE
Our Alaskan Disney Cruise began with a 15-hour drive to Vancouver, British Columbia in Canada which we broke into two days. Gracie did extremely well other than giving Andrew a hard time and only had one major meltdown the entire trip.



SEATTLE
After driving 12 hours the first day, we arrived in Redmond, Washington where my great-aunt Angela and her husband Dick live. Their beautiful house is shown far right center below. We spent that next day touring Seattle.


A three hour drive the next day took us to Vancouver and to our cruise ship, the Disney Wonder. We enjoyed an incredible and unforgettable vacation on ship and in every port it landed, all thanks to

THE CHARACTERS
Gracie was a little stunned when we set her on Belle's lap within the first hour of boarding the ship. Throughout the week she warmed up to the idea and by the end was dragging us after characters saying, "Picture." Her favorite by far was Minnie Mouse.


THE ENTERTAINMENT
My Dad was pulled up by the Disney entertainers at the opening celebration to do the YMCA with three other dads. He made us so proud! Our family took part in the Disney car derby and I achieved my lifelong goal of assisting a magician on stage.


THE SHOWS
We were wowed every night by incredible performances like Toy Story the Musical.
TRACY ARM, ALASKA
was one of the most awe-inspiring moments I've ever had in nature. It's a location in Alaska where you can't land, but everyone comes out on the decks and verandahs of the ship to be amazed. I knew we were headed towards a glacier and that that would mean icebergs. I really tried to remember that the cruise industry has been going to Alaska for decades and hasn't sunk a ship. But several other people that day mentioned how the ice made them a little uneasy. It started out with an iceberg or two scattered here or there and I really thought that the captain was dodging them. Until I saw an entire sea of icebergs ahead of us and realized we were going to plow through them. I was really thankful to see the Carnival cruise ship coming back our direction (top left) having already been where we were headed. We saw sea otters sitting on the icebergs and eagles nesting in the trees as we slowly cruised through the area and ended up at Stanley Glacier.


WHALE WATCHING IN JUNEAU
Did I say that Tracy Arm was where I had the most awe-inspiring experience I had ever had with nature? Now I'm stuck between that and our whale watching adventure, and I'm not going to choose between the two. After leaving the cruise ship at the port in Juneau, we boarded a motor boat with 10 or 12 other people and headed off into the massive ocean. I was going to consider my experience worthwhile if I saw a whale tail or two, but an hour and a half or so later, we had probably seen whales and orca (I learned there's a difference) surface 30 or 40 times. It was amazing. We also saw and heard them shoot water out of their spouts.


Our captain and crew member said we had come out on one of the best days either one of them could remember.


BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC ALASKA
The other ports we stopped in were in Skagway and Ketchikan. We learned about their histories and shopped in their shops like I try to do in most places I visit. But the landscape again was like nothing I had ever seen.


JORGE & NANDOS

Do you ever meet people that you know you're going to have a hard time saying goodbye to? I knew within a couple of encounters that that was going to be the case with our dinner servers, Jorge (from Portugal) and Nandos (from Indonesia). Cruises are known for their hospitality and charismatic dinner servers from all over the world, so I was pretty sure I was going to like them. But these two men had found a place in our hearts way before it was time to go home. They made us feel like taking care of us was their genuine pleasure. They went the extra mile in everything they did, from bringing us both desserts when we couldn't decide between two (which didn't cost us any extra :), pouring Gracie's ketchup into a Mickey Mouse shape, cutting her food, and when she would fall asleep when we were still eating at 9:30 at night, they would make a bed out of chairs and tuck her in with a table cloth. They entertained us with magic tricks and shared pictures and stories of their families with us. Yes they were paid for their work, but they did it with an intensity and a goodness that inspired me and made me want to do any job I'm given in the future with much more energy and enthusiasm. This went on for six nights. When the seventh and last night came and it was time to say goodbye, our family had made a decision that made it a little easier for me. Along with some souvenirs from Alaska, we presented our two servers each with a Book of Mormon. We wrote to them in a letter how as a family we felt they had given us so much that we wanted to leave something precious to us behind. And if either one of them are able to benefit from reading it, the lasting happiness and peace the Book of Mormon has brought to me would be the greatest gift I could share with them.

Take a look at the bottom center picture where Nandos is laughing... hard. He was in charge of our drinks and got used to bringing us water and juice and soda. On one of the last evenings, he came to take my mom's order and she said, "I think I'm gonna be a little crazy tonight."
"Okay. I make you a Shirley Temple?" Nandos asked, thinking finally someone at our table might drink.
"No, a chocolate milk."
He laughed so hard, long enough that we were able to get out the camera. It was hysterical.

I love spring.

I can finally say that although I don't understand all of it, I am grateful for what I have experienced this past year....It was like I'd been hit by a train. Depression leaves you with nothing to live for, you hardly have the will to open your eyes, even though you have everything to live for.

the earliest stage of my depression
that smile is not real; I didn't know what was happening to me

I know how suffering feels. I know how it feels to be completely hopeless, to feel like you've lost everything, like you're garbage, to loathe yourself. I know what it feels like to believe that God has abandoned you, and that it's all your fault.

Christmas Day 2005
I don't know who took this picture, but I didn't feel I was worth
the lipstick on my face; I'll spare the pictures on the days I didn't
make an effort to get ready for the day

But what a glorious gift it is to come to the realization that all of that is lies, and that in your suffering you have actually come to more fully know God, understand what He went through, and become more like Him.

This comes from my journal, February 2006. I was realizing that I was overcoming a near year-long battle with depression and that I was going to make it. As a result, that spring was especially meaningful to me. It was like as the world was coming back to life, so was I. I saw everything with new eyes. And every time spring comes around again, those same feelings and memories of being excited to live and love life again return more powerfully than they do at any other time of the year.

Some of the most important things that came to me as a result of this most defining time of my life so far was:

1. A deeper love and appreciation for family. I am not capable of expressing what I learned about how much my parents love me through this experience and how it brought me closer to each of my sisters and brother.

this is the picture that hung on the wall during my depression;
I remember looking at myself in the picture thinking
"where did that girl go?" I started to believe she wouldn't
ever come back

2. I met this boy not too long after

finding my ultimate definition of happiness after so much despair

and 3. I emerged with the assurance that GOD IS ALWAYS THERE, present, mindful of you, even when you are convinced He isn't. This understanding has helped me every single day as well as through other difficulties that have come.

The following song on this video brings me to tears when I consider it as a prayer. My sister Hailey discovered it when she went to Lion King last year, and I want to thank her for being a giver and letting me share it here, because I know it is meaningful to her as well. To anyone who has ever experienced an endless night. If you are still there, may you find the strength to hang on because I promise dawn will come.


It almost makes me uncomfortable to write this last part because I don't know how to say it, but there may be some of you reading this that remember this period of my life and you were part of the answer to many many prayers. Your concern, your love, your support, and unconditional friendship helped me to make it. Thank you.