jaundice

 I grabbed a picture of all the pricks on the bottom of baby Danny's feet before they healed. We went to the doctor four times in his first ten days of life to check the bilirubin levels in his blood. Like many babies, he developed jaundice by day two. They treated him with photo therapy for several hours before we left the hospital, but his levels were fairly high and so a medical supply vehicle met us here the night we brought Danny home and had a bilirubin bed waiting for us. We kept him on it as much as we possibly could, which was not always fun. We took him off for feedings and diaper changes and a couple of visitors, but otherwise he lived the first several days of his life in our home in this bed.

Danilo and I saw Man of Steel together a couple nights before Danny was born. This bed made me feel like we were in some super hero movie...our son is just laying here soaking up super power strength. :)

You tuck your baby in almost as if they were in a sleeping bag. Thankfully the cover is disposable, because on about day 6 our son punched out a hole for his arm. I told you, super human strength. :)

Gracie made sure to write about this experience in her brother's life :)

She is also happy to report that we sent the billirubin bed back a week ago and brother is doing very well

 

 

My Son is Born!

We were originally given a due date of July 3rd for our baby boy. When I started visiting the doctor's office weekly during the last month, it was pretty clear with each visit that the baby was on his way. He scheduled an induction date for June 27th. I had things planned out nicely for how that day would go. Cynthia and her kids came in to town and I was glad they could help time pass and Grace was thrilled to have her cousins here. Grace had swimming lessons that would wrap up the week before. I would get a couple last things put together for the baby's room and get a pedicure. The Saturday before, Danilo's mom had a baby shower planned for us that she had put all kinds of time and effort into. After that shower, Danilo and I had tickets to an event in Sandy and we were going to make a date night out of it by going to dinner, too. Well, that Friday evening (before the baby shower), I started having fairly strong, fairly consistent contractions. Danilo and I were watching a movie. I didn't really know how to read contractions because my water had broken with Grace. I just didn't know how to know if I should go to the hospital. So Danilo and I prayed together, that we would be alert to know if we needed to get to the hospital. I decided to try to sleep, and if I was able to sleep, we would stay home. I slept really well through the night and the contractions subsided. The next morning I was getting some things done around the house and my contractions kicked up again, strong and consistent. Danilo told me to maybe go lie down. He liked the thought of a planned delivery on the following Thursday and I was really starting to make him nervous. I rested til it was time to go to the baby shower. Danilo and I mapped out a plan for in case I went into labor at the event in Sandy... we could make it to Intermountain Medical Center if I couldn't make it back. Talking like that, I started to think it might be a good idea to call off the date night. I decided to bring my hospital bag to the shower... just in case. As we sat there and guests started to trickle in, I joked with them that I thought I might be going in to labor. Mom sat next to me and we started to time them. They were consistently close together and started to hurt ever so slightly more. I started to wonder what I was waiting for. The shower was LOVELY, and if I had a sore throat or a headache, I would have just suffered through. But this was labor. I called Danilo who was in the house with his mom helping her and told him we needed to go. He rose to the task even though our nice Thursday delivery plan was falling apart.

decorations from the shower brought up to my hospital room; yes that is a baby face carved in cantaloupe! :)

 My mom and Hailey and a couple others snapped some pictures of Danilo and me running off from the shower to the hospital. I hugged and kissed my Gracie girl and told her we were pretty sure Dad and I were going to the hospital so I could have her baby brother and that she would be there after he came. We headed to the Emergency Room just like we had with Grace. We sat at a desk for 10 or 15 minutes to get checked in. They gave me a wristband and everything and then Danilo wheeled me off in a wheelchair. A nurse met me and gave me instructions to change into a gown and get in a bed where I would be hooked up to monitors and all. When you're causing all that fuss, you can't help but think, man, I'm really going to feel ridiculous if I didn't make the right call here.

last picture as a family of three!

But within 15 or 20 minutes, the nurse said they had talked to the doctor and he had told them to keep me. We were having a baby! When the nurse left the room after giving us that information, I asked Danilo to give me a blessing. He did and I don't remember all the words, but I gained calm and strength from it which I was very grateful for. Gracie's deliver was a pretty horrendous experience (she was worth it), and if this delivery registered even close to the pain and fear I felt during Gracie's delivery, our family was going to consist of two children. I was very thankful for the power of the priesthood and that blessing. I think one of the tender mercies that came from it was that the nurse who originally met me went home when her shift ended, and the nurse who saw me through the rest of labor and delivery {Natalie} was so wonderful. So with it. I really feel like when I told her what my worries and fears were, she internalized it all and did everything she could to reduce my anxiety and solve problems. The issue with Gracie's delivery was that my epidural wore off and it was too late by that time to do anything about it. So all the pain of labor and delivery came rushing in and I was not prepared mentally to deal with it. This time, I was given a might dose just as the doctor arrived to make no mistake that the epidural would work through the delivery. It did and giving birth was one of the sweetest experiences of my life as it was with Grace, but minus the trauma. I pushed four or five times and he was here! My initial reaction when I saw him was that he was definitely Grace's brother. There was a very strong resemblance between the two. Because my pain was under control, I was able to enjoy the next several minutes, Danilo cutting the umbilical cord, and the nurses and Danilo estimating his weight. He was 8 lbs. 5 oz. and 22 1/2 inches long. I was much more present with this delivery. I could enjoy the moment and not just cope with the pain. He arrived at 8:15 p.m. Dr. Bitner congratulated me with a hug. They gave him to me once they had cleaned him up and when I got to have him up close, I could see that while he looked like Grace, he was definitely his own person with his own features, his face shape was different, he has dimples. We called our parents to let them know he was here. I was anxious for Grace to meet her little brother. My family said she was getting emotional in the hall waiting to come in and meet him. Not a sad emotional, but an excited emotional. We'd been talking about this moment as a family for months, and it had finally arrived.

I love the pictures that were taken of the four of us in those few minutes after his birth. All our sisters and their husbands came as well as Andrew too. Everyone stayed probably til 10:00. Then they invited me to come to the nursery while Danilo bathed our son. I didn't know moms could do that. My legs didn't work from the epidural so a sweet nurse named Aimee pushed me around in a wheelchair. Grace and Nona watched outside the window. I think Grace didn't get to bed til midnight that night, but I am happy she was there. Danilo stayed that first night in my hospital room on a a hide-a-bed. I'm glad he was there. I had a really wonderful hospital stay. The nurses were so kind and attentive.

We had lots of family in and out the two days we were there including both sets of my grandparents. It was really nice. So... after months and months of debate, what did we name our sweet boy? Danilo Erich Collado. Danilo for obvious reasons. I think we will probably call him Danny most of the time to help with any confusing between father and son. Erich is the middle name of my Grandpa Achter's father.

He is the kind of person who gave most everything he had to be baptized a member of the Church. I have always admired him for his courage and faithfulness and it feels important to honor him this way. So... how do I explain how I feel about this little boy? He has completely won my heart. I have nervously anticipated becoming the mother of a son, feeling like I know quite a bit about raising girls and nothing about boys. But I am entirely smitten. I am so thankful for the powerfully sweet spirit he has brought with him and into our home and feel like Heaven is very near. I know the experience has been similarly meaningful for Danilo as well and Gracie loves and is so proud of her brother. I am so thankful for powerful, sweet, life-changing experiences like this. I pray for the strength and grace each day to be a good mom to my children and raise them in a way that is pleasing to my Heavenly Father.

Five Mini-Posts

Oh blog, it's good to be here again. I have missed you! It's just that I've felt terribly lousy for so long. One day I was trying to remember the last time I felt good, and it had been since Halloween. It's okay, I firmly believe that baby boy is worth it. Thankfully, I have actually started to feel better in the last two or three weeks and enjoy a little of what's left of this pregnancy.

So I thought I would stop in and write some mini-posts about the things I would have blogged about had I been feeling better.

Mini Post #1

Danilo and Brittney Finish the Dr. Quinn Series

It's no secret that I was completely enthralled with Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Secretly inside I feared the day that we would finish the last episode because it would be OVER. Fortunately our set of six seasons also included the Dr. Quinn movies. We actually watched the last one last night.

(Michaela sifting through her mother's belongings after her funeral in Boston before they return to Colorado Springs.)

Michaela: Photographs. They're not just things, are they?

Sully: No. I agree. They're pieces of a person's soul. Somethin' to be treasured forever.

Michaela: (tears falling down her face) Sully, there is a forever, isn't there?

Sully: Oh yeah. We're all going to be together again.

Michaela: Promise?

(Kiss.)

Sully: I promise. 

(From The Heart Within, A Dr. Quinn: Medicine Woman movie)

I have this dream that somewhere, maybe in Heaven, our favorite characters from books and movies exist just as we envision them. If I ever find it, be sure that Danilo and I will be spending some quality time with Michaela and Sully.

Mini Post #2

I Heart YouTube Prenatal Workouts

I have found some very enjoyable and effective prenatal workouts on YouTube. My favorite thing about them is that the instructors say things like:

"Now don't push yourself too hard."

"Listen carefully to your body. You don't have to take this to the next level."

"You're doing great. I'm so proud of you for getting up and doing this today."

I feel like a million bucks when I'm done. Here are my favorites.

and my absolute favorite,

Prenatal Pilates with the darling Lizbeth Garcia

Mini Post #3

Kitchen Curtains, Check!

I found several pictures on Pinterest of curtains I wanted for my kitchen and with a lot of help from my Mom, we were able to whip them up in two afternoons. We had fun. I sure appreciated it. Here is the finished product:

The side of my fridge looks terribly unflattering.
Oh, well. It's not like this is a catalog. :)

Mini Post #4

Brittney Discovers Dress Barn

I'd driven past Dress Barn before and thought it sounded like a place Old MacDonald's wife would shop. I'd just never been tempted to go in. Until I attended a vintage dress fashion show put on by Sharon Hill from the neighborhood where I grew up. Sharon was modeling a whole collection of her mother's gorgeous dresses from the 1940s and the whole event was being hosted by Dress Barn. Between Sharon's dress changes, other ladies would model dresses from Dress Barn. And they were so flattering and pretty. They were also affordable. I added to my closet some dresses I absolutely LOVE. I would recommend checking out your local Dress Barn if you never have.

Attempt #49 to get a flattering picture while 7 1/2 months pregnant :)

Mini Post #5
Park City

I told Danilo a couple of months ago that before the baby came I dreamed of a getaway for the three of us that would give me just a two day escape from making beds, cooking, or doing dishes. So Danilo booked a Best Western in Park City with a swimming pool and made my dream come true.

Gracie's Announcement

We were on a Les Mis kick at our house for a whole month

after this

and this

my brother Andrew (top center) after a Friday night performance of Les Miserables at his high school

Danilo may have walked around the house singing things like, "And now I'm off to brush my teeeeeth"...to the tune of I Dreamed a Dream.

I get so swallowed up not only in the music of Les Miserables, but in the story. Of the worth of the human soul in God's eyes that is displayed in so many of the characters and hope amidst complete and utter despair. It is a story so masterfully told and it changes my life in some way every time I see it.

“Is there not in every human soul [as in Jean val Jean] a primitive spark, a divine element, incorruptible in this world and immortal in the next, which can be developed by goodness, kindled, lit up, and made to radiate, and which evil can never entirely extinguish?”

-Victor Hugo

The whole experience may have rubbed off a little on Gracie, too.

Farewell to a Good Girl

I will always have my dad to thank for bringing us together my junior year of high school.

It all started with trips to and from school everyday.

A couple of times you helped me drop packages on boys' doorsteps asking them to school dances.

We stayed out of trouble on the weekends having lots of fun.


There are moments that I have shared with you and no one else.

We got to go to college together and I remember driving on campus the first day, nervous but excited.

You came with me when I went to tell that boy that it really was all over, and you were waiting for me when I came out.

And you were there the night I pulled over in rainstorm, certain that no one else could hear, and screamed at the top of my lungs in utter desperation to have my life as I knew it back during a particularly difficult battle with depression.

My relationship with God grew as we took early morning trips to the Bountiful temple and I would ponder my relationship with Him on the way home.

You were there the first time Danilo kissed me (the first time in my life I truly saw fireworks).

You overheard our conversations as we discussed what kind of future we wanted to have together.

My getting married didn't change anything between us.

While Danilo* wasn't sold at first, it didn't take long for him to appreciate you as much as I did.

We went to internships and job interviews

and together to my first day teaching school.

A couple of years later when Gracie joined us, you were familiar to her too.

We never went to the grocery store or story time without you. 


You lived with us everywhere we lived, your accommodations were better at some places than others.

Last Saturday you drove away.

Happily I know it's to a good home.

He might not listen to country music or enjoy Josh Groban

but he goes to the same high school I did,

so in some ways you're going right back to where we started.

You were loyal and true and will always occupy a special place in my heart.

I will always feel a certain camaraderie with anybody who drives by in a Geo Prizm

because we most likely have a similar appreciation for what a dang good car they are.  

Thanks for the memories sweetheart.

I love you.

(Sorry so sappy. I really care about this car.)

*Danilo had a harder time letting the Geo go than I did. "Can't we just keep it?" He is proud when he tells people that changing the clutch was the only major repair we made on her in the 6 1/2 years we've been married.

I think I can blog now

I vacuumed the living room right before I took the tree down so I could take a picture... because I did not vacuum once in December... please...let me explain :)

I never checked in here the whole month of December except to quickly announce our baby news. The truth? For some people, pregnancy hormones are not only the perfect storm for morning sickness, but for a bout with depression. I am one of those people.

We found out shortly before the election that we were expecting a new baby (hooray!). When my dreams of having a President Romney were crushed, I expected to feel bad, but I didn’t expect it to drag on for weeks. I felt terribly gloomy. And nauseated. And I finally keyed in to the fact that perhaps my symptoms were not fully related to politics.

During my first pregnancy, I was teaching school, and the world, whether I could keep my breakfast down or not, had to keep turning. I decided to try for the same strategy this go round. I thrive on getting up early and getting things done. I feared morning sickness would keep me in bed all morning, and darned if I would let it. I scheduled all kinds of commitments in the morning that would require me to get out of bed and get moving.

I didn’t feel good for any of it. And the more I did, the worse I felt. Feeling that way day in and day out was wearing on my emotional well-being, which was already thin from the gloomy thoughts and feelings the depression was causing.  I realized one day when my sister was nursing me back to health on her couch with a plateful of chicken nuggets (I am eating like a mother bear at least every two hours) that something had to give. Many things had to give. I decided I could take on one major task each day. Major tasks = one trip to Wal-Mart, one trip to the grocery store, cleaning one bathroom, vacuuming one room, doing the laundry. ONE a day. For years I have exercised at 6 a.m. I bagged any form of exercise completely so I could sleep more (...and continued to eat like a mother bear through the holidays... I hope you get to experience that, guilt-free, at least once in your life!).

The sleep felt good. For the first time, lack of exercise felt good. The little energy I did have wasn’t spent at the gym. And resting throughout the day felt good, though it was hard to see my house kind of crumble in on me. I knew I was refraining from fully taking care of the house for a good reason. Grace and I got to read lots of books and watch lots of movies together.

Little by little as the morning sickness fades away, the depression is too. I saw our baby's face yesterday on ultra-sound, and it brought me so much JOY.

I wanted to include some tricks I use to battle depression when it comes calling. My hope is that some of this information can be helpful to someone else.  

-Knowing what you're dealing with is half the battle. Any battle with depression will never be as bad as the first when it was unfamiliar to you.

-Don't fight it. You will get even more discouraged in the process and it will still settle in anyway. Recognize it for what it is, and know it might stay for awhile. But also know you've beaten it before.

-Understand that the depressed you is not the real you. When you have irrational feelings and thoughts, instead of wondering if you're going insane, blame it on the hormones or lack of serotonin in your brain, and don't give them much more airtime than that. The sane, rational thoughts belong to you and they will dominate more and more as you do your best to just push through each day.

-Don't worry about what you might be losing because of your bout with depression (example: I'm having a baby, this is supposed to be a really happy time and I feel like this???) There is much to be gained from a bout of depression that will make you a better person. The losses will be made up in one way or another.

Each of these tricks represents a light-bulb moment I had in the midst of a bout of depression. Somehow I always think these tricks will be enough, that I won't get down and discouraged but be able to sail on through. While the tricks are essential in getting through, I always find I have another one to learn with each new bout of depression. Here's something I have gained from this time around:

I can choose to be happy in spite of depression (sounds kind of ironic, I know). I was really inspired by this article, and it helped me throughout the Christmas season. Depression kind of colors the way you see everything, but I made a deliberate effort, especially at times and events I was looking forward to, to enjoy them and be happy. I would think to myself, I know the way I'm feeling right now tells me I should feel really lousy tonight, but I've been looking forward to seeing these people, so tonight, I'm going to be happy.

Something I must relearn each time is to trust that whatever adversity I am experiencing is for my good. I sing its praises for all it has taught me, but depression is awful. It is difficult, demeaning, debilitating, causes you to severely doubt yourself and sucks life out of you and the things you enjoy. When you're looking at it in hindsight you think it probably wasn't quite so bad. But when you're in thick of it, you think, "Oh. I remember."

However, I recently read this quote by C.S. Lewis (I love his reasoning on God):

"The tortures occur. If they are unnecessary, then there is no God, or a bad one. If there is a good God, then these tortures are necessary, for no even moderately good Being could possibly inflict or permit them if they weren't."


P.S. These kinds of things run in my family... for a blog detailing my sister's experiences with anxiety, please visit this site.